Without A Doubt
by Dmarx
Summary: Through all of the secrets and the lies, the betrayal and the pain, the destination was always the same. They were meant to be together. Complete. Winner of the 2012 Castle Fan Awards Best Non Romance/General category!
1. Chapter 1

_Summary: It was the best date night Kate had ever had...except this wasn't even supposed to be a date._

_Author's Note: This one-shot was inspired by a post I saw on the textsfromcastle Tumblr that read "Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and having sword fights. I think I'm in love." It just seemed like such a Castle and Beckett thing to do, so of course, I had to write about it. I changed the activities a bit, but the general idea still stands. And to whoever thought up that post, you are a genius!_

_Set sometime later this season._

_Disclaimer: Nope, still not mine. And neither is the post I based this off of. _

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><p><strong>Without a Doubt<strong>

**Chapter 1**

"Hey."

Kate smiled shyly as Castle swung open the door of his loft and stepped back, allowing her inside. It had been a difficult week at the precinct, a case involving a twisted serial killer with a thing for young children, particularly girls. Every crime scene had been gruesome, the bodies bruised and mangled, and to make matters worse, Esposito had very nearly wound up on the wrong side of a bullet when they finally caught up to the guy.

Last night, they had all headed over to the Old Haunt for a few victory drinks. Today, Gates had given the team a well-deserved day off, and Castle had wasted no time in inviting Kate over for dinner. He claimed it was so they could simply enjoy a relaxing evening away from work. What he left unsaid was that he really just did not want to go an entire day without seeing her. Yeah, he was hopeless.

"Hey, yourself," he replied, taking in her jeans and the dark purple sweater that was being revealed as she unbuttoned her coat. He automatically reached out to help her, his fingers running the length of her arms, as she slipped off her shoes. Black flats today, rather than her normal heels.

"Dinner smells good," she commented, hoping to ease the careful awkwardness that seemed to have settled around them. It was just a friendly dinner, and yet the domesticity of the two of them eating a home-cooked meal was adding a more-than-friends vibe to the air.

_It's not a date, Kate_, she reminded herself. Except it sure felt like a date. She had put a little extra effort into her hair and makeup (though she would never admit that to anyone). It was just the two of them, alone in his loft. They would be having dinner and, because he was Castle, probably wine, too. He had even convinced her to stay for a movie. And they could deny it all they wanted, avoid putting a name to it, but by anyone else's standards, it was a date.

"Spaghetti," Castle replied, gesturing for her to follow him to the kitchen. "It's almost done, I just need to drain the noodles."

Kate shook off her worries and trailed behind him, stopping at the sink to wash her hands. "Anything I can help with?"

Castle gestured over his shoulder with a wooden spoon. "Salad's in the fridge. And whatever you want to drink is fine with me."

While he put the finishing touches on the spaghetti, Kate arranged the salad and an array of dressings on the bar. Castle added the pasta and a basket of warm French bread and soon they were seated at the other end of the bar, enjoying a delicious dinner and a glass of wine.

"How are you...?"

"Are you feeling...?"

Laughter rang out, breaking any lingering tension.

"Go ahead," Kate prompted.

"I was just going to ask if you were feeling better now?"

She shrugged, absently swirled her wine. "Mostly. Those crime scenes are still stuck in my head, though."

He nodded sadly. "Same."

They wound up discussing the case a bit more, touching on the charges that would be filed and whether Kate had finished her paperwork, before changing the subject. Both were eager to erase the entire ordeal from their memories.

Silence fell after a while, though it was not the awkward silence that had blanketed her arrival. No, this one was rather comfortable, simply two people enjoying their meal.

And not-so-sneakily glancing at each other in between bites.

Once their plates were cleaned, Kate helped Castle clean up the kitchen (he very much enjoyed how at home she looked there), then followed him to the living room for a movie.

Castle indicated an enormous collection of DVDs as he turned off the kitchen lights and switched on a lamp for a more mellow ambiance. "So, what do you want to watch?"

Kate shrugged, feeling a bit overwhelmed by the extent of his collection, but mostly just not really caring. She just wanted something, _anything,_ to rid the last week from her memory.

"I don't care, you pick."

It should not have surprised her, when he joined her on the couch a moment later, that he had chosen _A Bugs Life. _

"Really, Castle?"

He leaned back into the cushions with a contented sigh. "I figured we could both use the cheering up. And who doesn't love this movie?"

Before they had any further chance to discuss the merits of his choice, Castle's phone rang, interrupting the point Kate was forming in her mind.

"Hey, sweetie," he replied, and Kate could instantly tell that it was Alexis. Of course, the greeting had given that away as well, but his whole demeanor changed when he was in father mode. She would never admit it aloud, but that was quite possibly the side of him that she loved the most.

She was so caught up in thoughts about how adorable he was as a father, and the children that she was only recently realizing that she someday wanted, that she did not notice that he had now ended his call and was looking at her strangely.

"Kate?"

"Sorry."

"Are you okay?"

She nodded. "Yeah, yeah, just thinking."

"Are you sure, because you're looking at me like I'm...I don't know..."

Adoring was the best adjective he could find to describe her gaze, but somehow he thought that might be over the line.

She shook her head. "No, just...you're different when you talk to Alexis."

"How?"

"I don't know, it's just...gentler, I guess. It's a side of you I don't see that much. People who only know the public side of you wouldn't guess that you'd rather be at home, playing laser tag with your daughter."

Castle shrugged. "Cocky and wise-ass sells books. Family man doesn't. It is what it is."

"I guess."

"Honestly, there aren't a lot of people in my life around whom I can be myself," he admitted. "That's part of the reason Gina and I divorced. She wanted famous Rick Castle, not Rick Castle the father. And I got sick of pretending."

He ran a tired hand over his eyes as if to wipe away painful memories, and as it dropped to his lap, Kate caught it in hers, lacing their fingers together. Castle followed the path of her hand, his eyes fixing on their interlaced fingers.

"You don't have to pretend with me, Castle."

The graciousness in his eyes was unmistakable. "I know, Kate."

She lifted her free hand to cup his jaw, guiding his eyes to meet hers. Both were stunned by her sudden forwardness, but knowing that he felt comfortable enough to show her the real Rick Castle, hearing his sudden insecurity and pain...she felt bad, knowing that he was so open with her and yet she never returned the favor. Never showed him just how deeply she trusted him. How deeply she loved him.

"You're a good man, Rick."

Castle smiled widely, his features softening. "You've made me a better person, Kate."

Much to her annoyance, she felt the heat rising in her cheeks. Damn this man and his compliments.

"Are you blushing?" he teased gently.

She dropped her hand. "No."

"Liar."

Kate untangled their fingers to pick up the nearest pillow and whack him across the face with it.

"Hey, now," he mock-scolded. "That's no way to treat the man who just fed you."

She hit him again, but he was quicker and snagged it from her, hitting her back.

"Castle!" she scolded, the sound lost behind the pillow that was currently hitting her in the face.

Kate reached behind her for another one and soon their conversation had morphed into a full-fledged pillow fight. They pulled every pillow from the couch and chair in the living room, and at one point, Castle disappeared into his room and returned with an overflowing handful of more pillows.

They ran around the living room, hiding behind couches and chairs and laughing their asses off as they upended every pillow in the room, launching them in each other's direction and occasionally succeeding in sneak-attacking each other from behind.

However, Kate was becoming a bit too confident in her abilities to surprise him, and as she crept around the corner of the couch, Castle jumped out from behind the chair and tackled her onto the sofa. The pillow flew from Kate's hand as she fended off the one he was now hitting her with, and when that one fell to the floor as well, she suddenly realized the position they were in.

She was pinned beneath him, his hips pressed against hers in entirely too intimate a manner. He was staring at her mouth and her eyes were fixed on the nervous bobbing of his Adam's apple.

They froze in unison, their eyes locked, hesitating only briefly before they leaned in, closing the distance between them.

Their lips moved together, giving and taking, just like everything else in their relationship. And when Castle ran his tongue along her bottom lip, probing for entrance, she shuddered against him and granted him access.

They kissed lazily for a couple minutes, tongues tangling and fingers caressing, though both kept their touches relatively chaste. Castle was propped up above her on one elbow, his free hand making its way into her hair. Kate's arms came up to wrap around his neck, teasing the hairs at the nape.

At long last, they separated, and Castle dropped his head onto her shoulder. His movement left her nose buried in the crook of his neck, her breath hot on his skin, doing nothing to calm his racing pulse. He untangled his fingers from her curls and dropped his arm to wrap around her shoulders, pulling their upper bodies closer.

They stayed in that position for a while, recovering, basking in the feeling of finally crossing that line (without the threat of danger this time), and only when Kate felt stable enough to face him did she lift her head.

She felt Castle lift his head as well and forced her racing mind to focus. Her hazel eyes met his warm blue ones, and in their depths, she saw a whirlwind of emotions she was not sure she could put a name to. One was shining over all of the others, though, and that one was unmistakably love. Pure, unbridled love for her.

Before she could speak...though she had no clue what she even planned to say...Castle dropped a quick peck on her lips, effectively silencing her again.

There were no words for what she was feeling right now. Overwhelmed seemed to be the closest adjective, but even that was not enough to describe it. She was happy. Elated, even. She was pretty sure she was trembling slightly. Her heart was going crazy. She felt warm and fuzzy inside, felt so at home wrapped in his arms, being pressed into the couch by his body. And she was so incredibly in love with him that it was almost terrifying.

"Kate..." he said softly, finally, something to break the silence. "Is this..." He trailed off awkwardly, unsure of how to ask what he needed to ask without messing everything up.

"Real? Yes," she replied, following his thoughts, for which he was incredibly thankful.

"Are you...Kate...wow," he stammered, his eyes lighting up with delight and childlike excitement. "Just, wow."

He tightened his grip once again and returned his head to its spot on her shoulder, breathing in her scent as his own washed over her.

Castle dropped a kiss on her temple, his breath fanning out over her ear as he rested his head against her hers. She shivered slightly and Castle lifted his head to look down at her.

"Cold?"

Oh, damn, he had caught on to that.

She looked up. "No."

His self-satisfied grin appeared right away. "Oh really? Then why, my dear Detective, would you be shivering?"

"Fine, maybe I was cold," she lied.

"Right. Which is why this," he leaned down so his breath played across her ear and neck, "is making you shiver again."

Well, crap. Kate thought had always done a fairly good job of hiding how much he affected her, but apparently that only worked outside of a certain proximity.

"I'm...it's..."

Castle once again fixed her with his gaze, mirth in his eyes, eyebrow raised in disbelief, and she felt the urge to slap him. And kiss him.

Oh, this man. This irritating, annoying man, who was having far too much fun teasing her about this. Kate vehemently ignored the voice in her head reminding her that she did not really seem all that upset about his actions. And that she found the smug pride on his face to be kind of adorable.

"Earth to Kate," he called, and she snapped her attention back to the present, completely unaware that she had even spaced out.

"Hmmm?"

"And what exactly is going on in that mind of yours, Detective?" he asked with a smile, his eyes still twinkling mischievously.

"Just thinking," she replied ambiguously, but the way her eyes flicked to his mouth gave her away.

"About kissing your ruggedly handsome partner some more?"

She smacked him upside the head, but smiled as she lifted her head to press her lips to his. She intended the kiss to be brief, just a little tease of what was truly going through her head, but Castle drew her back in, his lips hot and demanding.

And just as Kate was trying to remember why wrapping her legs around his waist and tearing his shirt off would be a bad idea, he broke away. Both were breathing hard, hair disheveled, cheeks pink, and Kate could feel his arousal beginning to press against her hip.

"So, movie?" he asked, hoping he sounded less frazzled than he felt.

Kate sighed in relief. Or frustration. Or maybe both. She was not sure. All she knew was that she was glad Castle had spoken up when he did because if he had not, she certainly would not have stopped them. And though she wanted to take that step so badly, she was still harboring a potentially painful secret, and she knew she had to tell him first.

It would hurt him no matter what, of that she was sure, but when they started this...thing, she wanted it to be done right.

By that logic, she should tell him now...they had just kissed, after all. Very passionately. And maybe it was cowardly, but she was not about to ruin this wonderful evening with heartbreaking information. Not tonight.

"Right, movie," she managed, drawing herself from her thoughts.

He maneuvered off of her, careful not to touch her in any way that would further heighten his arousal. Ah, hell, just being on the same couch as her had that effect. He was done for, and they had not even started the movie yet.

Kate hoped he could see the gratitude in her eyes as she righted herself and slid to the floor, back against the sofa, surrounded by the mess of pillows. After what had just happened, sitting on the couch with him would just be too deliciously tempting.

Castle leaned sideways, switching off the lamp and retrieving the remote, then slid down to sit next to Kate. Their shoulders were brushing only slightly, a kind of sweet torture, teasing them, reminding them of the steps they were not yet ready to take. Not quite.

Castle still could not believe that he had just kissed Kate Beckett. That she had kissed him back. And that she was not running from it. The risk-taking side of him wanted to push a bit further, wanted to pull her into his side, tilt her chin up, and kiss her again.

But the sensible side of him was warning him to take a step back, to let her set the pace. After all, he already knew he was ready for this. He had been waiting on her, and he was going to do this at her pace. If two kisses (two mind-numbingly hot kisses) was all she was ready for tonight, well, he could live with that. It was a very nice step in a very favorable direction.

Kate was not even sure that Castle realized he had finally started the movie. He was clearly lost in thought, completely distracted, and his eyes had been not-so-subtly fixed on her for the better part of the last five minutes, a small smile gracing his expression.

Not that she was faring any better. Her mouth still tingled with the feel of his tongue, the taste of him still lingered on her lips. Add to that the fact that her heart was racing from their most recent encounter on the sofa, and she was sure she was a frazzled, blushing mess.

And if all it took to get her like this was a couple kisses and a rather horizontal embrace, how was she ever going to survive when they...

No. No, Kate. Not going there.

Oh, she wanted to. So badly. But as much as she would have liked to have continued their kiss, to see where things would lead, she was glad they had stopped when they did. Baby steps were fine with her and making out on his couch was a big enough step for one night. They had plenty of time to let things unfold at a slower pace. Especially in light of the secret she was dreading having to reveal to him.

The movie ran its course with neither occupant of the living room paying it any heed. Hell, Kate could not even remember the name of the movie. All she could think about was how warm and comfortable she felt cuddled up against Castle's side, under a blanket, on a fluffy mound of pillows on his living room floor.

Wait, cuddled up with him? Lying down under a blanket? With Castle? When had all of that happened?

Kate lifted her head and looked around. All of the couch cushions were lopsided. There were pillows beneath both of them, pillows surrounding them, and a couple of others haphazardly tossed around the area. It briefly crossed her mind that it was so like Castle to have so many decorated throw pillows around the house.

He was lying on his back, an arm extended beneath her head, and his bicep was currently serving as a rather comfortable pillow. Kate was on her side, one hand twined with his and resting on his chest, one ankle thrown over his. Her nose was buried in the crook of his neck and she could feel his breath on the top of her head.

She was cuddling with Richard Castle, in his living room, and since neither of them had any desire to move, she was going to end up falling asleep in this position.

Castle shifted slightly to grab the remote, turning off the TV and pulling the blanket more tightly around them as he lay back down. He wound up closer to her than before, so that her thighs were now pressed up against the top of his right leg and her left hand was wedged between her chest and his side.

He felt her shift, tensed, thinking she might try to leave. Or at least distance herself a bit.

"Kate."

"Hmmm," she mumbled, her thoughts only semi-coherent.

"Stay. Please."

"Mmkay," she replied sleepily, her body relaxing as she cozied up to him even further.

Castle was sure she would not have agreed had she been fully awake, but he was not going to complain. He would gladly take a beating for it in the morning if it meant that he got to spend the night with Kate Beckett in his arms. In his loft. Snuggled up under the same blankets.

"G'night, love," he murmured, the moniker slipping out before he could stop himself.

She sleepily pressed a kiss to the skin of his shoulder. "Night."

Her last thoughts as she drifted off to sleep was that this was right. They were right. And that in each other's arms was exactly where they belonged.

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><p><em>Thoughts?<em>


	2. Chapter 2

_Summary: It was the best date night Kate had ever had...except this wasn't even supposed to be a date._

_Author's Note: Okay, so this is no longer a one-shot (obviously). You guys have been so persuasive lately that I just can't seem to stop after one chapter. I know this was supposed to be all about an adorable date night, but this chapter ran in a completely different direction once I sat down to write it. However, I think it's appropriate and necessary...and I promise, there is more adorableness to come. _

_Disclaimer: Nope, still not mine. And neither is the post I based this off of._

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><p><strong>Chapter 2<strong>

The first of Kate's senses to make its way into consciousness was touch. She could feel an arm around her shoulders, cold feet touching her ankle, and whatever her head was on was far too warm to be a pillow. In fact, whatever was surrounding her entire body also seemed to be abnormally warm.

The next sense was smell. There was a strange combination of leftover cologne and aftershave invading her nose. A very familiar combination, now that she thought about it.

She could hear someone breathing very softly.

Kate felt a puff of warm air expelled onto the top of her head and a huge smile blossomed as the pieces came together.

She was surrounded by Richard Castle.

Slowly, she blinked her eyes open, taking in the stubble on his cheeks and the slight drool coming out of the corner of his mouth. His hair was mussed from sleep, the lines of his face were soft and relaxed, and he looked absolutely adorable.

Boyish, yet handsome.

And Kate could almost swear that he was smiling ever-so-slightly.

Then again, she was grinning like an idiot after waking up in the arms of her partner. The partner whom she had quite enthusiastically made out with just a few hours ago.

Wait. Waking up? Castle's arms? They had been sleeping all wrapped around each other like this?

Kate quickly glanced down, relieved to find both of them still fully clothed. When that happened...because it was a _when_ now, not an _if..._she wanted to remember every single moment.

Tentatively, she reached out and brushed a few pieces of hair out of his eyes, running the pads of her fingers across his forehead, along the lines of his face. She traced his cheekbones, down the angle of his jaw, her thumb brushing ever so slightly across the corner of his mouth, before dropping her hand back down where it had been, curled in between their bodies.

At her movements, Castle stirred, and Kate snapped her eyes shut again. If he had been awake for what she had just done, she was not sure she would be able to come up with a believable explanation...aside from _I love you and want to be with you, _which she was not quite ready for. She just hoped he was unobservant enough in the morning that she could pull off the fake sleeping.

On the other side of Kate's closed lids, Castle sleepily opened his eyes, the soft smile from his dream (in which Kate's hand had been caressing his face) spreading into a giant grin when he saw Kate herself snuggled up next to him, her nose buried in his neck.

He hugged her tighter, bent down to kiss her temple, at which point Kate could not pretend to be asleep any longer. Not when he was holding her and kissing her like she was the most precious thing in the world.

Her eyes opened again, blinking not in response to the light, but in response to his warm blue eyes very close to her own, gazing down upon her reverently. Like he could not believe he had just woken up with her.

Then again, she could not believe that this was happening, either.

"Kate," he said softly, causing her eyes to flicker ever-so-briefly to his lips. His voice was still scratchy from sleep, his eyes filled with joy and contentment, and Kate suddenly flashed back to last night, in the final moments before she drifted off. In that same gentle tone, he had spoken to her then, too.

_G'night, love._

Love. He had called her love, and while Kate was pretty sure he did not realize he had done so, she knew without a doubt that he meant it. Hell, he had probably imagined that scenario in his head, though maybe not with the pillow fight and sleeping on the floor aspect of it. And probably with less clothing.

"Hey," she managed, tearing herself from her thoughts long enough to formulate some type of response.

He brought a hand to her cheek, thumbed the remnants of sleep from the corner of her eyes. "Sleep well?"

"Mmmm, very."

"Me too." He leaned down, kissed her forehead. "Best I've slept in months."

Kate smiled then, raising a hand to his hair again, running her fingers through the disheveled strands. Castle subconsciously leaned into her touch as Kate toyed with his hair, making it stick up even more than it already was. Somehow, it made him even more attractive.

"You're so adorable with bedhead," she murmured, realizing too late that she had actually given voice to that thought.

"I...I mean..." she stammered, but Castle held up a hand to stop her.

"Huh-uh, no take-backs." He reached around for his phone, opened the notepad app. "I'm writing that down and saving it forever."

She lifted her head. "Then I'm getting up and leaving right now."

They both knew it was an empty threat, but she would not be Kate Beckett if she did not try.

Castle set his phone aside, the screen void of any text, for now. Really, though, whether he wrote it down or not, she was not going to live that one down any time soon.

"For the record," he said softly, tangling a hand in her hair, "you look pretty damn good in the morning too."

Kate blushed. Again. Damn him and his compliments, especially when it was early in the morning and his voice was deeper than normal and he was being so gentle and loving.

She was hopeless. They both were. Whatever this thing was between them, it was deep and powerful and all-encompassing. It was terrifying at times, the ways he made her feel, the reactions he could bring about with a single sentence or a simple touch.

She looked down, away from his soft smile and loving eyes. This was quickly becoming overwhelming, and all they were doing was cuddling and talking. She just wanted him so badly and if the look in his eyes was any indication, he was fighting to restrain himself as well.

And it would be so easy to give in, to close the distance between them and not bother to hold back when things started heating up. But Kate respected him, respected _them_ far too much to start off with secrets.

Maybe she should just tell him. It was going to suck no matter what, and he was probably going to be mad, but the longer she waited, the worse it was going to get. She really did not want to ruin the atmosphere that had settled over them, but it was getting harder and harder to keep pretending not to know, especially when the love was shining in his eyes and his final words the previous evening were still echoing in her head.

Seemingly unaware of her tumultuous thoughts, Castle leaned in and planted a gentle kiss on the tip of her nose before making his way down to her lips. She melted into him, morning breath and all, and eagerly returned his affections.

He pulled away all too soon, though, and she was drawn back to reality as they separated. Kate sighed audibly and felt Castle's reaction immediately.

He loosened his hold on her. "Kate?"

"What?"

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing," she lied. Castle's expression quite plainly stated that he did not believe her.

Kate sighed again, knowing she was not going to be able to talk her way out of this one. "Just...I...we have some things we need to talk about before we keep doing this."

Rick's eyes immediately flicked in the direction of his office and the murder board he had not told her about, and his heart sank at the reality of their situation.

Yeah, they definitely needed to talk. Her mother's case was still unsolved and she had said she needed that done first. So obviously she was not ready for this, and even though Rick should have expected that, the thought that she might just ignore this like she had with everything else broke his heart.

Kate ran a hand over her eyes, as though wiping away the pain this conversation was sure to cause. She had gone over this scenario in her head a billion times and in none of them did it end well. For either of them. She knew he was going to be upset, and she also knew that the only way to explain why she had ignored him involved the phrase _I love you too_.

Just last week, she had actually told Doctor Burke how she felt, but saying it to her therapist and saying it to the man in question were two very different things, and she was not sure she was ready. Yes, Doctor Burke had been helping her, and yes, things were getting better, but she was not fully there yet.

Then again, she had kissed him yesterday and again just now, so ready or not, it was time to face the fact that this was something she needed to tell him sooner rather than later. It was only fair.

And considering that the alternative was not telling him and starting...whatever this was...only to have her secret come to light and tear them apart sometime in the future, this was the best option. It was a lesser of two evils scenario, but, as Doctor Burke had pointed out, she had brought it upon herself. Now, it was time to face the consequences.

"Kate, we don't have to do this now," Castle offered, sensing her hesitance.

He was right, really. They could put this off until she was a little more ready and they were both more awake, but by then they would probably be called out on a case or unable to have the conversation for various reasons, and then they would be right back where they are now. And though she was dreading this conversation, Kate was tired of being stuck in this awkward not-quite-there-yet situation.

She pressed herself up onto one elbow, dislodging his arms from around her.

"No, no, we should."

The romantic voice in her head was screaming at her that she was stupid, that she was about to ruin the best date she had ever had. But the rational side of her brain was not to be deterred now that she had worked up the courage to come clean.

He sat up slowly, leaned his side against the couch and curled his legs beneath him. "Okay, um, okay." Eloquent, Rick.

"I..." Kate hesitated, sat up as well, facing him. "I lied to you, Rick."

He swallowed hard, wracking his brains for what she could be talking about. Nothing about last night or this morning had seemed anything but genuine. "When?"

Kate took a deep breath, preparing to drop the bomb that was going to change everything. "Last summer."

"Last summer?" Castle repeated, confused. "I didn't see you then." The hurt in his eyes was unmistakable.

"Before," she swallowed, tried again, "before that. In the...hospital."

Castle's entire body stiffened. "Oh."

"I told you I didn't remember the shooting. But the truth is...I remember all of it. The gunshot, you tackling me." She met his eyes, almost lost her courage at the pain that was already present in them. But she pressed on, because she owed him this. "What you said."

"All of it?"

"Yes."

Castle dropped his head into his hands,

"I'm sorry," Kate said softly, unsure of how to react, what else to say. She had never really dealt with broken-hearted Castle before, and certainly not when she was the cause of his pain. "I'm so sorry."

"I...I knew this was coming, but it still hurts, Kate."

Her entire body jerked. "You knew?"

He lifted his head, his eyes boring into hers. "You flinched at loud noises, Kate. If you didn't remember the shooting, that wouldn't have happened. Not to mention the fact that you could never look at me when we talked about that day. I may not be a detective, but I can put two and two together."

"I..."

"Why, Kate?" he demanded.

She sighed. "I didn't know what else to do."

"So you decided to take the one person who had been there with you through everything and push him away from you?"

"I told you I needed space, Castle."

"Yeah, well, I had just laid my heart out for you and then watched you die, and I _needed_ to be with you, to know you were okay. So clearly we can't always have what we need."

"I already explained all of this," Kate fought back. "I was trying to get away from the case, from the shooting, but you were front and center in both of those things. Having you there would have kept all of it right there with me."

"That doesn't mean you had to lie."

"I was lying to myself still, Castle," she practically shouted. "I couldn't even admit to myself what you had said, let alone try to sort out my own feelings. I didn't want to get into this conversation with you when I was still with Josh and when I wasn't ready to face what's between us."

"Look, I know you were hurting. I know you were going through a lot. But did you ever think about what it was like for me, Kate? Did you ever wonder what those three months were like for me, after you promised to call? For all I knew, you were still in the hospital or engaged to Josh or something."

Kate snorted, but Castle would have none of it. "Did you ever think about that, Kate? Or did you just think about yourself?"

"Of course I did. You think those months weren't at least as hard on me as they were on you? Of course I missed you."

"Yeah, so much that you didn't call and didn't come find me until you needed those files."

Kate sighed, dropped her head into her hands. God, she had really made a mess of this.

"Look, I screwed up, Rick. I know I did, and now I can see how selfish I was. But at the time, really, I didn't think about that. All I wanted to do was hide from the world and make this nightmare go away." She looked up, forcing herself to meet his eyes now. "I'm so sorry, Rick, I know I hurt you, and I wouldn't be surprised if you got up and walked away right now, but you deserved to know the truth. And that I'm really sorry."

"I..." he would not meet her eyes, "I'm not going to walk away. But I'm also not just going to let this go. Last summer hurt, Kate, and it hurts even more now that I know that you heard what I said and still pushed me away."

"I thought it was for the best," she admitted. "I thought it would be easier for you if you thought I didn't hear you than if you knew I did but I couldn't give anything back. I was wrong, obviously," she laughed self-deprecatingly, "but I was trying to do what was best."

"How is that any different from telling me now?" Castle asked, slightly more calm now, though the pain and anger were still there. "Your mother's case still isn't solved, which means that wall is still there, which means that you're still in the same position, right?"

Kate shook her head. "That wall isn't from the case, Castle. It's from before that. It's been there since my mom died, but it's not still there because of her case. It's there because I was afraid."

"Afraid of what?"

"Of the pain. Of having my life torn apart like it was that night. I thought that if I just kept people out, I'd be safe from going through that ever again. But that sniper case made me realize that I don't want that wall there anymore. He let his past define his life, and it ended up destroying him, and..." she swiped at a tear she did not realize had fallen, "I don't want to end up like him."

"You wouldn't," Castle placated. "You would never do what he did."

She shook her head. "No, but I was letting my past define me, just like he did." Kate paused, took a deep breath. "I've been going to a therapist, Castle. He's been helping me work through all of this, helping me let go of my past and get rid of that wall. It's been...really hard," she choked out, fighting more tears.

He held up a hand but still refused to look at her. "Kate, you don't have to tell me this."

She stopped him. "No, I do. Because I want you to know why I'm doing this." Kate reached out, rested a hand on his thigh. "I've realized that I'll always be at risk for getting hurt again, because that's life. But I've also realized that some things are worth the risk. I...I went back to therapy after my psych eval because I wanted to be better. I wanted to be healed and...more. For you." At those words, he finally lifted his eyes to hers. "You're so worth the risk, Rick, and I wanted to be able to be with you without being broken and without there being a wall in the way. I wanted us to have the chance we deserve."

"Kate..."

She raised her other hand, pressed her fingers to his lips to silence him. She had to finish before she lost her nerve.

He had done his part. Now, it was her turn to lay her heart on the line.

"Because I love you."

* * *

><p><em>Thoughts?<em>


	3. Chapter 3

_Summary: It was the best date night Kate had ever had...except this wasn't even supposed to be a date._

_Author's Note: I haven't had a chance to respond to any reviews from the last chapter, so a group thank you will have to suffice this time. You guys are so awesome and your support and encouragement continues to amaze me! So thank you._

_Disclaimer: Nope, still not mine. And neither is the post I based this off of._

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><p><strong>Chapter 3<strong>

If Castle had been standing, he was pretty sure he would have fallen over from all of the emotions swirling inside of him. As mad as he had been last summer, and as betrayed as he felt now, he still loved her. Loves her.

And now, to hear that she loves him, too. He was not sure he had ever gone from furious to ecstatic so quickly. There were a whole bunch of other emotions vying for the spotlight, too, but the only thing he could think of in that moment were her final words. Because, God, he had waited for so long to hear those words come out of her mouth.

Kate sat in nervous silence, her heart pounding as she waited for his response. She had never been one to put herself out there in a relationship...or whatever this was...and now she knew why. It was terrifying, and she had never felt so exposed in her life. She had said 'I love you' before, but never had it carried this much weight. And never had she said it not in direct response to her significant other first saying the words to her. Now, all she could do was sit there and hope that he still felt the same.

She dropped her hand to his shoulder, caressing the skin of his neck with her fingers. It was more of a nervous motion than an attempt to comfort him, but it seemed to have a slightly positive effect, as his features softened slightly.

Castle opened his mouth, to say what, he was not sure. Speechless. She had rendered him speechless, and not just because of her confession. He simply did not know how to respond, could not decide which emotion to go with. It was not every day that the woman you were madly in love with made you angry and then admitted her feelings within a span of five minutes.

He had always imagined that the moment Kate said those words to him would be followed with smiles and hugs and, frankly, physical contact...a lot of it. Never in a million years did he imagine things would happen like this.

He wanted to be mad. He really did, because regardless of her feelings, her actions hurt him. And in light of her feelings, he found her actions to be even more puzzling.

"I..." he began, "ummm, I...really?" Not his most eloquent effort ever.

She squeezed his thigh, risked a smile. At least he did not seem overwhelmingly angry anymore. "Really."

"I don't understand, Kate."

Well, that was not what she had been expecting to hear. "Don't understand what?"

"If that's how you really feel and you still pushed me away all summer..."

"I told you, Castle, I wasn't ready to face my feelings...or yours."

"I understand that, but if you could push me away then...what happens next time something comes up? Are you going to do the same thing again?"

Kate looked away in shame. God, not only had she made a mess of this, but she had broken his trust in her as well, and all the apologies in the world would not make that better.

"I..." she sighed, lifted her eyes to meet his. "I'm not going to promise that I won't ask for space at times," she said honestly, knowing that false promises were not going to help. "But I'm ready for this now. I did what I did before because I wasn't ready. And I know all of this doesn't make things right, but I'm promising you now that I'm never going to do what I did to you this summer ever again. I may not be all the way healed, and I'm probably still going to struggle to open up, but I want this to work, Rick. And I'm going to do everything in my power to make sure of that."

"You...you're really serious about this," he said softly, almost awestruck.

Kate nodded. "And for what it's worth, I'm really sorry, Rick."

He reached out, wrapped his arms around her, pulling her towards him. Kate tentatively hugged him back, her head coming to rest in the crook of his neck. She could almost feel the tension draining out of both of their bodies. The lasting impacts of her secret...and her confession...were far from over, but this was a start. And frankly, it had gone much better than she had expected.

"You're really letting go of everything?"

"I'm working on it."

"How?"

She shook her head. "Not right now, okay?"

He seemed to sense the uneasiness in her voice, opted not to push any further. She would have to tell him eventually, because they had clearly proven that secrets were not going to get them anywhere positive. But for now, one issue was enough.

"What about your case?" he asked instead, remembering her earlier words.

"I'm letting it go, too." He lifted his head in surprise. "I have to," she continued, by way of explanation. "For now, at least. Or it's going to keep taking over my life."

His eyes flicked to the office again, to his own potentially-devastating secret, and briefly debated telling her now, too.

He owed it to her to come clean. Except that there was not much to tell, honestly. Aside from what Montgomery's old friend had told him, and the case involving the mayor a couple months back, he had not gotten anywhere. He could tell her that he had been working on it, but since he had not really found anything, what was the point?

And in light of her decision to step back from the case, he was not sure that this was a good time to have this conversation. If she had been working to let go of the case, then him bringing it up now was only going to bring forward everything she was trying to put behind her.

Besides, he was going to put it on hold now, out of respect for her; if she was going to let it go, then he was going to as well.

It was bound to come up at some point, anyways. He knew Kate, and he knew that she would not be able to let it go forever. And when she was ready to tackle it again, he would tell her. Tell her what little he had discovered. And work with her to solve this once and for all.

But until that time, he would simply leave it alone.

He would not be lying to her, per se. He was just not talking about it, because telling her would go against everything she was trying to accomplish. And right now, what she was trying to overcome was more important than anything else.

Bringing it up would probably do more harm than good. For now, it was better left untouched.

He just hoped his decision would not come back to bite him in the ass.

"Are we okay?" she asked into his neck a few minutes later, drawing him from his conflicted thoughts and back into the current issue.

"I'm not sure," he answered honestly.

Kate lifted her head, dropped her arms, and immediately found herself missing the contact, missing his warmth. "Why not?"

"I just..." he shrugged, "this isn't the kind of thing that heals right away, Kate."

"I know," she said sadly, "And believe me, I hate myself right now for what I did to you. To us. So please, let me help make things right again. What we have is the most important thing in my life, and I don't want to lose that."

"I don't want to either," he answered softly, and Kate saw in his eyes the first hints of forgiveness.

She dropped her hand to his shoulder, tugged him back to her. He went without resistance, folded himself into her embrace. It was awkward, with both of them still sitting on the floor, half wrapped up in the blankets. But the physical contact was comforting, because when Kate had started this conversation, she was not sure she would ever be hugging him again.

"I love you, Rick," she said against the skin of his neck, the phrase rolling off of her tongue more easily the second time. "You believe that, right."

He lifted his head, met her eyes, and in them, he could see only truth and love. "Yes."

"Do you still...?" She felt insecure for even asking. Maybe she was, but she had to know.

"Yes, God, yes, Kate," he answered, squeezing her more tightly. "I just...I need some time, okay?"

She internally cringed at hearing her own words from the hospital reflected back at herself, but she completely understood. She had lied to him, hurt him, and if she had been in his situation, she probably would have done the same thing. Actually, she probably would have just walked away without saying a word, not even bothering to ask for time and space.

She slid out of his embrace, attempted to school her features so as to hide the worst of the pain, though she was pretty sure she was failing miserably. "Okay."

Kate stood, grabbed a handful of pillows and set them back on the couch where they belonged. After a moment, Castle stood and began to help her, returning the rest of the pillows to his bedroom while she folded up the blankets and set them on the sofa. By the time he re-emerged, she was slipping into her shoes and retrieving her coat from the closet.

"I should go."

He was not going to argue with that statement.

"Will I see you at the precinct tomorrow?"

He shrugged. "We'll see."

Not the answer she wanted, but she understood. "Okay."

He caught her hands as she finished buttoning her coat. "Thank you," he said softly, catching her completely off guard.

"For what?"

"For telling me the truth. I know it can't have been easy for you, either."

She shook her head. "It wasn't. But I couldn't keep lying to you."

Kate dropped his hands, opened the door. The tears had been threatening to fall for the better part of the last half hour, but she was not going to break down in front of him, not when he was the one who really deserved to be upset.

"If there's anything I can do..."

"I'll call you."

And in a scene very reminiscent of the one in the hospital, she walked through the door, leaving her heart behind, just as Castle had all those months ago.

As the door clicked shut behind her, she understood exactly how he had felt last summer.

Like the whole world was behind that door, and the only things that lie beyond it were heartbreak and emptiness.

* * *

><p>Kate felt awful as she made her way back to her apartment. Once she arrived, she walked inside, dropped her shoes, keys, and coat on the floor in front of the door and collapsed on her couch, finally allowing the tears to flow.<p>

It felt like she had just said goodbye to her partner. She was unsure of whether he would be in the next morning, unsure of how much time he needed, unsure if things would ever truly be okay between them. She was under no delusions about the damage she had caused. She would have to fight to earn his trust again. And she was completely willing to do that, but it was not going to happen if he avoided her.

She wanted to punch herself for what she had done, for the way she had treated him, selfishly putting herself ahead of him every day for months on end. She had taken advantage of the fact that he was always there, willing to wait for her, the whole time remaining unfailingly loyal.

And this time, she had pushed him too far.

She respected his need for space and time, just like he had respected hers all those months ago. But she was going to fight for this, because she had worked too hard over the last few months to allow them to crash and burn before they even had their chance.

The next time she opened her eyes, Kate had no idea how much time had passed. There was still sunlight peeking between the slats of the blinds, but the length of the shadows meant it was later in the day.

Kate forced herself to sit up, only to be met by a pounding headache and red, swollen eyes that did not want to face the light of day. Thank goodness it was Sunday and she did not have anywhere to be. Grocery shopping needed to be done, but that was just going to have to wait. Right now, all she wanted was to take some ibuprofen and go back to sleep.

She stumbled to her room, through to the bathroom where she intentionally avoided the mirror. After using the toilet, she splashed some cold water on her face and took something for her headache, but she still felt awful. At least she had the presence of mind to change out of her jeans, though, before crawling into bed.

This time, however, Kate was not quite so lucky. Her brain refused to shut down, snippets of their argument flowing through her mind, and sleep eluded her. She had no idea how long she laid there before finally giving up and forcing herself to behave like a functioning human being.

Her head still hurt, her chest ached, and tears were never far away, but she pushed through it. She showered, microwaved some leftover Chinese from a couple of nights ago, and then began absentmindedly cleaning her apartment.

Not until well past midnight did she attempt to sleep again, and even then, she did not manage more than a couple of hours before her alarm was going off, alerting her to the start of a new week.

And it was clearly not off to a good start.

* * *

><p>She should not have been surprised when Castle did not show up at the precinct; after all, he had asked for time, and he did say he was not sure he would make it. But this was Castle, and he usually dropped everything to be there...especially when there was a case. It was that, more than anything else, that showed her just how much she had hurt him.<p>

She had texted him hours ago with an address, but never received any response. The case was not outrageously difficult, and the evidence was actually stacking up fairly nicely, but Kate was completely miserable.

So she stayed late and arrived early, putting everything into solving this case, leaving herself no time to think about what had happened and no energy left to dwell on it. She was withdrawn, abrupt with her coworkers, and visibly drained.

And when the next two days passed in the same manner, Ryan and Esposito decided that it was time to take action.

"Beckett."

"Hmmm?" she said without looking up from her paperwork. They had booked the suspect a few hours ago, finally, and she was now immersed in wrapping up the case.

"It's almost midnight."

"Yeah, I know. You guys can head on home."

"Kate." That got her attention. Esposito _never _called her by her first name.

"What?"

Ryan sat down in Castle's chair, gently removed the pen from her hand. "What happened?"

She shook her head, biting the inside of her cheek to hold back her tears. "Nothing."

"Do we need to kick his ass for you?"

She smiled in spite of it all, but shook her head. "It wasn't his fault."

Esposito rested a hand on her shoulder, squeezed softly. "You're exhausted. Go get some rest. Paperwork can wait."

She met their eyes graciously. It did not often show, but they were protective of her, like the older brothers that she never had. And right now, she needed that.

"Thanks, guys."

"Night, Beckett."

She watched as they grabbed their jackets and headed out before doing the same herself. She was beyond exhausted, emotionally and physically, and she really needed some sleep if she was going to make it through the rest of the week. And she needed to be fully functioning in the morning.

Because she had a plan.

First thing tomorrow, she was going to stop by the loft and get her partner back.

No matter what it took.

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><p><em>Author's Note: Yes, I know, this chapter didn't really resolve things all the way and I'm kind of leaving you hanging. And I realize Rick is being pretty hard on Kate. But personally, I think her secret is the worst of the two, so Rick has every right to be upset. I hope that you guys will trust my decisions to have Kate and Rick deal (or not deal) with things in the manner I have chosen...I promise you, I do have my reasons.<em>

_Thoughts?_


	4. Chapter 4

_Summary: Through all of the secrets and the lies, the betrayal and the pain, the destination was always the same. They were meant to be together. _

_Author's Note: What do you guys think of the new summary? I figured it was appropriate since this story has deviated so far off course from where it started. Because, you know, cute date night kind of turned into angsty-morning-after. But I digress. On with the story..._

_Disclaimer: Nope, still not mine. And neither is the post I based this off of._

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><p><strong>Chapter 4<strong>

If Kate had been miserable the past three days, Castle was faring only slightly better, and only because he was not plagued with guilt on top of everything else. And as if that was not enough, he was tormented with the feeling of what of felt like to kiss her, to fall asleep and wake with her in his arms. Those images haunted his dreams, leaving him restless and drained.

His days passed in a whirlwind of emotions and he spent the majority of his time writing, trying to get it all down on paper. Most of it was gibberish, nothing that would ever go beyond his computer screen, but it provided him a way to work through his feelings

The initial anger had faded, giving way mostly to betrayal and pain, mixed with some strange blend of elation at the fact that Kate Beckett loved him.

He understood her decision; personally, he never would have handled it that way, but he understood. That was the way Kate worked. When she could not deal with something, she ran, hid from it. It was something she would have to promise to work on, and it would be a while before he could completely trust that it would not happen again.

It probably was not the best way to go about this, but at least it gave them a place to start.

Castle was roused from his jumbled thoughts by a distant knocking sound. He blinked his eyes open, looking around in confusion. He was sitting at his desk, laptop asleep in front of him. The last thing he remembered was writing furiously while drinking some scotch. Apparently he had dozed off for a while, though with no structure to his days, he really had no concept of time.

He sat up straighter, forced himself to located the source of the pounding; it appeared to be coming from the general vicinity of the entryway. Someone at the door, perhaps?

Alexis had already left for school...he vaguely recalled her kissing his cheek on her way out the door. His mother was probably still in bed, completely unaware of the sound. So who could be at his door at...he squinted at the clock...seven thirty in the morning?

Castle pushed himself up, straightening his clothing and running a hand through his hair as he made his way to the front door. Had he already had a cup of coffee, he would have thought to check the peephole first. But in his current half-awake state, he simply fumbled with the lock, opening the door to find...

"Beckett."

"Castle."

"What are you doing here?"

"I'm here for my partner," she answered honestly, squarely meeting his eyes. "And I know I have no right to be here because you asked for space, but I just..." she held out a cup of coffee to him. "I miss you."

He took the cup from her outstretched hand, careful not to brush her fingers with his, and took a long drink, feeling the caffeine flood his system, waking his brain more fully.

"Can I come in?" she asked finally.

He silently stepped back, allowed her to enter and shut the door behind her. She took a couple of steps in his direction but stopped, standing a couple feet from him in the foyer, awkward silence descending over the pair.

"Beckett..."

"I'm sorry," she blurted, allowing the words to pour out before her brain caught up and had a chance to censor her mouth. "I've said that a hundred times and I know it's not enough. But I'm so sorry. And I know I have no right to ask for your forgiveness and for you to give us a chance, but..._please,_ Rick."

Kate steadfastly held his gaze as though daring him to turn her away again. The silence stretched as he contemplated the best way to convey his convoluted feelings, to say what he needed to say without making things worse. It was probably something she did not want to hear, but given what she had done, he felt he deserved to be straightforward and unyielding in his requests.

"All the times since last summer that I've wanted to look you in the eyes and say it again, Kate," Castle said finally, setting his coffee on the small table by the door with an unceremonious thud, "and I didn't, for your sake. But you knew, all this time. You lied, more than once. And this," he gestured between them, "will never work if we can't be honest with each other."

He was well aware of the hypocrisy of his statement, but that was an issue for another time.

"I know," she agreed, setting her coffee next to his. "That's why I came clean."

"I realize that," he said finally.

The fact that she had told him, the fact that she was here right now, fighting for him, said more than any of her apologies had. Showed that he was not the only one willing to fight for them. And perhaps it was that more than anything else that was the turning point for him.

"And I understand why you did what you did," he continued, his eyes boring into her with a seriousness she was not used to. "I really do, Kate. But you have to promise me it won't ever happen again."

"I'll work on it..."

"I need a promise, Kate. I need your word. I don't care how hard it is, I don't care how much you want to run from whatever the issue is, I need you to promise me that you won't. Because if I'm not the one who can help you through whatever life throws your way, no matter what it is, then there shouldn't be an 'us.'"

It was a scary thing, promising to face everything head on, promising to open up to him and rely on him when she was so used to handling things on her own. But he deserved everything she had to give and more. And she owed that to him, to them.

Kate reached out, took his free hand in hers, met his eyes. "I promise, Rick."

He nodded, squeezed her hand. "Okay. Then I forgive you, Kate."

She took his other hand then, pulled him to her and wrapped her arms around his neck. Castle stepped into her embrace, his arms coming to rest on her lower back, her face seeking refuge in the crook of his neck.

"Thank you," she said on an exhale, her warm breath fanning out across the skin of his neck and making him shiver slightly. Ordinarily, Kate would have smirked, made a snarky comment, but under these circumstances, she barely noticed. All that mattered was that she was in his arms again.

They stayed there, wrapped up in each other's arms for a good five minutes, just reveling in the feeling of being close. This level of physical contact between them was a very recent thing, but there was something so familiar and comforting about it that Kate was in no hurry to leave his embrace. She did not know how he did it, but his proximity made everything better.

At long last, they separated, unsure of how to proceed.

"So, now what?" Castle asked to break the awkwardness.

"I...don't know."

"Are we..." he gestured haphazardly.

"Together?" she finished for him.

"Are we?"

"I thought that was what you wanted."

"I do, I just...I wasn't sure you were ready."

"I am," she replied, though the hints of vulnerability in her voice made her answer less-than-convincing.

"Kate..."

"No, really," she amended quickly. "Look, if we waited until I thought I was completely ready to face this, nothing would ever happen. But I'm ready to give it a shot and work through things and deal with my feelings and fight for this and..."

She was cut off by a sudden lack of air supply as Castle's arms wrapped tightly around her, pulling her into this chest.

"I'm so in love with you that it's terrifying, Rick." she murmured once she had regained her breath, "but I am going to do everything in my power to make this work."

She felt his lips on her cheek then, trailing down her jaw before finally capturing her lips with his, kissing her with everything he had.

The pain was still there, buried deep down inside of him, but it would fade with time. And for the first time since their fight, love was the prevailing emotion, strong enough that it would hold them together while she worked to fully regain his trust. Strong enough to prove to both of them that they could survive whatever might threaten to tear them apart in the future.

At long last, he pulled away, resting his forehead against hers while their heart rates returned to normal. One hand came up to trace the line of her jaw, lingering on her neck, his fingers playing with wisps of her hair.

Blue eyes met brown ones, staring into their depths and allowing her to do the same, holding nothing back.

"I love you, too, Kate."

* * *

><p>She had no idea how long they stood there, sharing soft kisses and gentle caresses, before the ringing of her phone drew them from the bubble into which they had settled.<p>

Kate stepped back, fishing her cell out of her pocket with one hand while retrieving her coffee with the other.

Just like that, she was all business again. Except for the faint tinge of pink that colored her cheeks.

"Beckett."

"Yo, boss, we got a fresh one," came Esposito's voice from the other end of the line.

"Okay, text me the address. We'll meet you there."

"We?" Of course he would pick up on that part of her statement.

"Yes, Espo."

"You doing all right?"

Kate bit back a smile. It was sweet, really, and she loved Espo to death. But she was so not having this conversation when Castle was standing a few inches away, trying to listen in.

"Yeah, I am. I'll see you in a few."

She hung up and pocketed her phone before he could press for anything more, but by the smirk on Castle's face, she knew he had heard most of it anyways.

"Go...shower," she demanded, flapping her arms in the direction of his bedroom. "You are not going to a crime scene looking like that."

"You don't like my bedhead look?"

She reached out, ruffled his hair. "That's not the bad part." She lowered her arm, thumbed a smudge of lip gloss from his cheek. "I'm more worried about this."

He opened his mouth, probably to make some kind of teasing comment, but Kate spoke first.

"Go." She leaned in, planted one last kiss on his lips. "I'll see you in a few."

And with that, she left in a whirl of hair and cherries and swaying hips that made Castle doubt that he was going to make it through the day without dragging her into a supply closet and doing things to her that were completely inappropriate for the workplace.

* * *

><p>Somehow, he managed to survive the entire day without pulling her into any dark spaces...mainly due to a lack of free time and the tiredness in her eyes that spoke to not really being in the mood. The last three days had left both of them emotionally drained and sleep-deprived, and pushing the limits right now was probably not a good idea.<p>

Not to mention the fact that he still was not entirely sure what was going on between them. Yes, she had said she was ready to give this a shot. Yes, she had kissed him that morning...very enthusiastically so...and told him she loved him. But they had not discussed anything beyond that.

Castle was fairly certain that she would want to keep things low profile, especially around Gates and in the public eye. She never had been one for publicity and the captain did not need any more reason to want him gone. And though he had never before been shy about being seen out and about or in the papers with a woman, with Kate, he was hesitant.

She was not a public figure, was not some random woman he would be seen with at just one publicity event. She was his partner, his best friend, the woman he was madly in love with. And now that he knew that her heart belonged to him, he wanted to keep it that way, just between the two of them, for as long as possible.

Just he and Kate. Together.

They really needed to talk, though. She had already mentioned something about ground rules at the precinct and about needing to make sure his family was okay with it.

However, that was not to be taken care of tonight. The early call had turned into an entire day of sorting through financials, phone records, even the victim's computer, in order to figure out what could have gotten a seemingly upstanding citizen into so much trouble with the wrong people.

The search was to no avail, though, and by eight o'clock, Kate called it off, sending the boys home as well. Her eyes were going buggy, her head hurt from lack of sleep, and Castle looked at exhausted as she felt.

"Are you headed home?" he asked softly as they slid into their coats.

She nodded. "Come with me?"

Castle debated. It was a Thursday night. Alexis was home, probably doing physics problems that made his head hurt just to look at them. His mother would be wrapping up her last classes by now and should be heading home soon. They would be fine for the night. Maybe it made him a bad father for putting his family second, but right now, he really wanted to be with Kate. Wanted to fall asleep with her again, experience the amazing feeling of waking up with her in his arms, her warm breath caressing his skin.

"Yeah, okay. Let me just call Alexis."

Kate gathered up her keys and phone, made her way to the elevator with Castle on her heels.

"Hey sweetie," she heard him say. "Yes, I am...yes, I already ate...mmhmm...is Gram home? Okay, I'll see you tomorrow...no, I'm not...yes...I think so, yes...me too...okay, goodnight, sweetie."

He replaced the phone in his pocket, looked up to find Kate watching him hesitantly.

"What?"

"She figured it out, didn't she?"

Castle shrugged. "She's a smart kid."

"We have to tell them soon...they're your family, Rick."

He linked his pinky with hers, leaning closer as the elevator door closed. "Tomorrow?"

"Yeah."

"What about your Dad?"

"We're supposed to have lunch on Saturday." Kate looked up at him, eyes hopeful. "You should come."

He could not help himself, leaned down and dropped a kiss on her lips. He could see the effort she was putting forth, see her trying to open up to him. "I'd like that."

The elevator dinged, signaling its arrival and they stepped apart, schooled their features. To anyone who knew them, though, the linked pinkies would have been a dead giveaway.

They made their way out to her car, weaving their way through the throngs of people without breaking contact. They had to disconnect to get into the car, but the moment both were buckled in, Castle's hand made its way to her thigh, resting there gently as his fingers fiddled with the inseam of her jeans.

Kate bit her lip as she pulled into traffic, trying to suppress a shiver, but she could not hide the way the muscles twitched under his touch. She expected him to smirk, to make some kind of comment, but when she stole a glance at him, he was looking out the window, watching the city go by with a soft smile on his face.

She dropped a hand to his, wound their fingers together with the palm of her hand pressed into the back of his. Castle's smile widened, and as she glanced at him again and met his eyes, hers did as well.

They remained in that position the rest of the way home, Kate absentmindedly playing with his fingers. Neither spoke, but the silence was not at all uncomfortable.

Once they were out of the car and making their way into her building, however, Castle could hold back no longer. His hand went to the small of her back, guiding her through the door and into the lobby. He crowded into her as they waited for the elevator. And when the doors closed, she found herself pressed up against the wall, his large body surrounding her as he lowered his mouth to hers.

Kate responded eagerly, her lips melding with his, tongue poking out to tease his lower lip. Her hands rose to grip his shoulders, holding herself upright. His came to rest on her hips, exerting just enough pressure to cause the heat to flare in her stomach. His fingers were caressing her hipbones, and the way his large hands spanned her hips was just...

No. No, Kate. Not going there tonight. And certainly not in the elevator.

She was purposely trying to keep this kiss under control, because while she wanted nothing more than to fall naked into bed with him and not sleep a wink, she was exhausted and seriously needed to just go to sleep for a good twelve hours.

Castle seemed to sense that, though and pulled back with one last chaste peck.

"I've been wanting to do that all day," he admitted, his voice laced with the beginnings of arousal that sent another wave of heat through her.

Kate dropped her forehead to his shoulder, breathing him in. "Me too."

The doors opened too soon and they separated to a respectable distance...sort of. His left hand was laced with her right (when had that happened?) and he was so close to her that he was practically stepping on her feet. But Kate did not seem to mind, so he stayed.

Castle vaguely registered them entering her apartment, leaving their coats and shoes by the door. He watched her grab a glass of water from the kitchen, followed her to her room a minute later. His eyes were glued to her as she stored her badge and gun, removed her watch and necklace. She slipped into the bathroom to go about her nightly routine and it was only then that Castle forced himself to focus.

Part of it was exhaustion, because yes, he was just as tired as she was. Part of it was nerves because while this was not the first night he had spent with Kate, this was the first one that was planned. And she was letting him into her bed, though not in that way just yet. But most of the reason for his dazed state was simply the overwhelming events of the last few days. He had gone from furious and heartbroken to tired and upset to happy and in love in the last ninety-six hours. Mix in a smattering of dead bodies and stacks of papers, and it was a weird combination that he was not quite sure how to deal with.

In fact, Castle was pretty sure his brain still had not fully processed the fact that Kate Beckett was in love with him.

She emerged a few moments later, pajama-clad and ready for bed. Castle took his turn then, snagging her around the waist as they passed each other and planting a short but powerful kiss on her lips that left her heart pounding. God, why did she have to be so exhausted?

Shaking her head to clear the thought, she turned down the covers, settled into bed and set her alarm. Castle joined her after a couple of minutes, climbing into bed next to her and scooting right up behind her. His arm came up and over her waist, his palm pressing gently against her stomach. The muscles fluttered under his touch and he pulled her more tightly against him in response.

Kate twined her fingers with his, holding her to him as his other arm slid beneath her head. She nuzzled into his bicep, brushed her lips lightly across his skin.

"Night, Castle," she murmured, relaxing against him and allowing his warmth to envelop her.

He pressed a kiss to the back of her neck, felt her shiver. "Until tomorrow, Kate."

* * *

><p><em>Thoughts?<em>


	5. Chapter 5

_Summary: Through all of the secrets and the lies, the betrayal and the pain, the destination was always the same. They were meant to be together._

_Author's Note: Umm, yeah, so this chapter ran away. I still accomplished what I wanted to, but I didn't mean for it to be so all over the place emotionally. So I apologize in advance for what I'm putting our beloved characters through. Please don't come after me with pitchforks (or anything of the sort)._

__Disclaimer: Nope, still not mine. And neither is the post I based this off of.__

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 5<strong>

Warm breath on his skin. Fingers tracing his jaw. Lips moving softly over his, warm and moist.

Castle blinked his eyes open, tried to make sense of everything. He blinked again as Kate came into focus. Her eyes were soft in the predawn light, hair mussed from sleep. And she was wearing an endearing smile as her gaze roamed his face, taking in his relaxed features.

He smiled broadly as she traced his jaw again and pressed a soft kiss to his cheek. It had been so long since someone had kissed him awake, but now that he knew what it felt like to have Kate Beckett wake him in that manner, he was never spending another night without her.

"Morning, sleepyhead," she said softly.

He lifted his head, pressed his lips to hers. "Mmm, good morning indeed."

Kate smiled against his lips.

"Time's it?"

"Six."

"Too early." He lifted his arms, pulled her down onto his chest. "Go back to sleep."

Castle settled back into the bed, cradling her body, so Kate tried a different approach. She kissed him again, deepening it this time, and shifted so that her hips were lying on his. She felt his reaction immediately as his hips bucked up and he tore his mouth from hers.

"Kate," he half whispered, half groaned. "You can't..." She shifted again. "You're going to kill me."

_But oh, what a way to go_, he thought. _Pinned beneath Kate Beckett in her bed._

Though preferably with fewer clothes on.

She had been absolutely exhausted last night, but waking in his arms had left her feeling fresh and rejuvenated. Maybe it was the feeling of waking up surrounded by him, his breath on her neck. Maybe it was the lightness that had settled over her heart after her confession, after they had worked everything out.

Whatever it was, it was making her bold this morning. And the way his fingers were caressing her skin, teasing the sensitive spot at the base of her spine, was turning her into a ball of need and arousal.

And maybe somewhere mixed in was the need to prove that she was serious. She had promised him...and herself...that she would open up completely, give herself to him. To prove that she was committed.

He already had her heart. She knew he loved her mind. Now, it was time to add body and soul to the mix. Because she knew that when they finally took that step, it would be nothing short of all-consuming, demanding everything.

And if there was anyone who had ever deserved all she had to give, it was Castle.

"Kate," he whispered again. "We can't."

"What?" Was he seriously turning her down?

"We can't do this right now."

"Why not?"

"Because we have to be at the precinct in a couple hours."

Kate raised an eyebrow. "And that's not enough time for you?" She reached down, squeezed his upper thigh. "A little slow to get going, are we?"

Castle pressed his hands more firmly against her lower back, pushing her hips flush against his so she could feel just how ready he already was. Kate bit her lip at the feeling, trying not to moan or gasp. For God's sake, they still had all of their clothes on.

He shifted, his hipbone brushing her core.

"Castle," she managed, her voice low and dripping with arousal.

He shook his head, reached up to cup her cheek. "No, Kate. Because when we do this, I'm not letting you out of bed for at least twenty-four hours. So no. There's not nearly enough time."

Kate felt the heat rising in her neck, the arousal flooding her entire body at the thought of a full day in bed with Castle and the things he could do to her in that time. He was strong, solid, and she already loved the way their bodies were pressed together like this, her on top of him. But the way he could pin her to the bed, employ his talented mouth and fingers...because she was sure those were just as capable...oh, God, this case needed to be over. Now.

"Kate."

"Hmmm?"

"And just where has your mind gone, Miss Beckett?"

Kate blushed, buried her head in his neck. Her heart was racing, her breathing lighter, and she could see in his eyes that he knew exactly where her mind had been. Hell, his had probably been right there with hers.

"Come on." With more resolve than she thought she possessed, Kate lifted herself off of him.

"Where? It's only 6:15."

She sat up, swung her legs over the edge of the bed. "I don't care. I want this case over with by the end of the day."

"Impatient, are we?"

She should be annoyed, really. At herself for her behavior. At him for shoving this in her face. But today was Friday, and that meant that once this case was closed, she was off for the weekend. And that would give them about sixty hours.

It would also probably leave them unable to walk on Monday morning, but she could not bring herself to care.

Kate leaned down, kissed him soundly. "Let's get going."

* * *

><p>It took Ryan and Esposito about five minutes to realize that something was up with Castle and Beckett. Again. They could tell she was not still mad, not like she had been earlier in the week, and neither was he. But something was not right.<p>

They were standing farther apart than normal, avoiding eye contact. When they did look at each other, her eyes were focused on his lips and his were aimed a little bit lower than that. They were working together, finishing each other's sentences, like always. But it was like everything between them was stilted. Like they were holding back.

Because, in fact, they were. Castle was fairly certain that her outfit of choice was meant to drive him crazy. Her jeans hugged her in all the right places, her heels accentuated her already long legs, and her blouse was unbuttoned one further than normal. Add in the soft waves in her hair and the light pink lip gloss, and it was pure torture.

Kate was not coping any better. She had always thought he had a great ass, and his jeans today were doing everything in their power to emphasize that fact. His eyes were darker than normal, she could see him fighting to restrain himself, and the knowledge that he wanted her that badly made her want to lock them in a supply closet and have her way with him.

"Yo, Beckett," Esposito called from across the room, snapping her out of her daydream...involving herself, Castle, and no clothing...and back into the present.

"What do you have?"

"We got an ID on those prints."

Prints? What prints? She shifted her eyes to the murder board, skimmed over the information displayed there. Oh, right. Those prints. For the case they were working on. The one that was never going to be solved by the end of the day if she did not pull her mind out of Castle's bed and into the current situation.

"Right, okay." Kate forced the words out of her mouth, hoped her voice belied her distraction. She snagged the folder from Espo, skimmed the profile. "We'll go pick him up."

She was reaching for her coat, making her way to the elevator before Castle had a chance to catch up, to realize that it was time to stop staring at the tantalizing skin of her chest and focus on the case.

"You coming, Castle?" she called over her shoulder.

He snatched his jacket from the back of his chair, hurried after her.

"I will be soon," he said with a leer as he caught up to her outside the elevator.

"What?"

"You asked if I was coming."

Kate rolled her eyes, but it was less than convincing. "Really, Castle?"

"I hope so."

She bit back a smile.

The doors opened, and his hand made its way to her lower back, guiding her into the car. Kate tried to suppress a shiver, but once the doors closed and he stepped closer, began to run his fingers teasingly up and down her sides, she could not mask her body's reaction.

"Castle." It came out as more of an encouragement than a reprimand.

"Hmmm?"

He leaned in, stealing a kiss as his hands slid to her back, pulling her into him. She stepped into his embrace easily, sliding her hands around his neck and moving her lips eagerly over his.

All too soon, the elevator dinged, signaling the arrival at the ground level. They separated to a semi-respectable distance, bodies not quite touching as they walked, though the heat between them was palpable.

"This better be our guy," he said almost desperately as they stepped onto the street. "I'm so ready to get out of here."

Kate opened the car door, caught his eye over the roof of the cruiser. "Now who's the impatient one?"

* * *

><p>Unfortunately for them, he was not their guy. Fortunately, he witnessed another guy fleeing the scene, who just so happened to be the guilty individual. And by four-thirty, they had a confession, a recommendation for the District Attorney, and a stack of completed paperwork.<p>

They finished taking down the murder board together, Kate faltering slightly every time his fingers brushed against hers. It was almost unnerving, how little it took for him to make her completely lose her train of thought. It was a miracle she had been able to connect two and two and solve this case today.

But despite her distraction, by five o'clock they had everything put away, and had been dismissed for the weekend by Captain Gates.

"Damn it Castle," Kate said under her breath as she gathered her phone and keys.

He lightly cupped her elbow, guiding her towards the elevator with him. "What?"

"Stop it."

"Stop what?" He asked, legitimately confused. He had been nothing but well behaved and helpful all day, doing whatever he could to wrap up this case.

"Stop touching me constantly." She jerked her arm out of his grasp. "I can't focus when you keep doing that."

He looked down in surprise, not realizing that he had had ahold of her. It was an unconscious thing now it seemed...since waking up with her in his arms he could not _not_ touch her.

"I...sorry?"

Kate pressed the elevator button, stepped in ahead of him when the doors opened. "Just don't do it again," she said more softly this time. She felt a bit bad for snapping at him; he really had not done anything wrong. Well, aside from making her want him so much that she was seriously considering stopping the elevator and having her way with him right now.

Given the look on his face, she was pretty sure he was fighting the same internal battle.

As it was, he settled for a compromise...he stepped forward, backed her into the wall, and kissed her soundly. Her protests died on her throat when he nibbled on her lower lip then sucked it into his mouth, soothing it with his tongue.

Kate wrapped her arms around his neck then, pressing her body into his as much as possible. She could feel how badly he wanted her against her thigh, could feel it in his kiss, in the way his tongue was probing her mouth.

Behind them the elevator dinged and they broke apart.

"Oh, God, Castle," she panted, forcing her knees to hold up.

The doors opened and she ran a hand through her hair, the other sliding down her jacket, smoothing the wrinkles Castle's hand created as it had slipped beneath her clothing, explored the skin of her sides.

"Problem?" he asked, amused.

She glared at him, though it was rather ineffectual given the want that was clearly visible in her eyes.

Once they exited the building, Castle crowded up against her back, nearly stepping on her shoes as he enthusiastically guided her to the car. Had she been less overwhelmed by his scent, the feel of his body so close to hers, she would have told him off for invading her space in public. Right now, she could not have cared less.

To make matters worse, Kate was pretty sure she broke a few speed limits on the way home, but it was hard to tell when Castle's hand was tracing patterns on her thigh, working its way higher and higher.

They parked outside her building, made their way hurriedly inside, taking full advantage of the all-too-short elevator ride up to her floor. By the time they were outside her door, Castle's arms were wrapped around her from behind, his lips exploring the skin of her neck as she fumbled with the keys, unable to find the lock.

"Castle, stop."

He caught her ear lobe between his teeth, nibbling softly.

"Castle."

His hand came up to cover hers, prying the key from her fingers and inserting it into the lock. The door flew open, shutting quickly behind them as Castle pressed Kate against it, pinning her between the metal and his body as he kissed his way across her jaw and down her neck.

Kate shoved gently against his chest, pushing him away from her long enough for her to remove her badge and gun, retrieve her keys from his hands and toss them aside.

They stumbled their way across the living room, discarding their shoes, jackets, and his button-up shirt along the way. Kate's hands were just making their way to the hem of his t-shirt when Castle caught sight of the murder board hanging in her window and came to an abrupt halt.

"Castle?"

His eyes were fixed on the board, his hands dropped to his sides, and he took a step back from her, resigned. He had planned to keep this quiet, planned to let it go for now, for her sake. Wanted to ensure that she was recovered before he dragged her back onto this case again.

But she was undressing him and they were about to spend a weekend in bed together and he just could not do it. It was not right, and if he waited until after they had been together, it was only going to make things worse.

It was going to hurt her, and he hated that he was going to be the one to inflict such pain. But if he waited, allowed them to take this step first, it would only increase the level of pain.

He had to tell her.

"Castle," she said again, reaching out and placing a hand on his forearm. "What's wrong."

He sighed, leaned back against the nearest wall, ran an agitated hand through his hair. Seconds ago, he had Kate Beckett wrapped around him; now, his words were going to pretty much ensure that would not be happening again anytime soon, if ever.

"I can't do this."

"Can't do...what?" she asked in confusion. According to various media sources over the years, he was supposed to be very adept at what they were about to do.

"This," he gestured between them, "I just...you're not the only one who's been hiding something, Kate."

"I...what do you mean?"

"Look, I didn't want to do this now, because I know it's going to make a mess of your recovery and everything, but..."

She followed his eyes to her murder board again, and he could see the moment she made the connection with his words.

"You...you've been poking around my mom's case?"

It was anger mixed with incredulity mixed with something deeper and more painful that sounded like betrayal. And he had a feeling this was only the beginning of what he was going to hear in her voice tonight.

"Not anymore."

"But you were." It was not a question.

"I..."

She advanced on him, jabbed him in the chest. "You asked me to stop months ago, Castle."

He raised his hands in surrender, took a step back, away from her and the clenched fist that looked like it wanted to punch him. "That's because..."

"Is that why you asked me to back off? So you could take over and play the hero?"

"No, I..."

"It's just never enough with you, is it? Do you ever think, Castle?" she asked, still advancing on him, backing him down the hallway with every step she took. "Or do you just do whatever the hell you want, regardless of how it might affect anyone else? I've been working to let go of this and you still thought it was okay to go behind my back and look into it on your own? Why can't you just respect _my _decisions when it comes to _my_ personal life?"

"I did it to protect you," he interrupted, finally managing to get a full sentence out.

"I can protect myself."

His back hit the wall near her bedroom door. "No you ca..."

"And even so, that's not your job, Castle," she continued, saying whatever came to mind as a tidal wave of emotions washed over her. "You can't just put yourself in danger like that. You have a family, a daughter, yet you're risking your life fighting something that isn't yours to begin with."

"That's not..."

"You need to seriously reconsider your priorities." She turned on her heel, strode into her room. "You can show yourself out."

Her bedroom door shut with a bang behind her and Castle stood frozen next to it, eyes glued to the wooden barrier separating them, as though he expected it to open again and her to reappear.

But after a few minutes of complete and utter silence, he came to enough to realize that that was not going to happen. Not only was she not going to come back out, but she was also probably not going to want anything to do with him again until he apologized. Profusely.

Hell, even after he apologized she still might kick him out. But he had to try, because he was not about to go down without a fight.

Quietly, Castle leaned in, pressed his ear to the door, and was met with the sound of someone sniffling softly, a ragged sob escaping her throat.

He dropped his head into his hands, sighed deeply. He messed up. He knew he messed up. But knowing that Kate was crying, alone, in her room because of it made him feel worse than anything else.

He tried the doorknob but found it locked, so he knocked lightly instead. "Kate?"

"Go home, Castle," she snapped, her voice breaking on his name.

"Kate, please."

"No."

Castle sighed again, slid down along the wall until he was seated on the floor immediately outside her door.

She had to come out at some point, right?

* * *

><p><em>Thoughts?<em>


	6. Chapter 6

_Summary: Through all of the secrets and the lies, the betrayal and the pain, the destination was always the same. They were meant to be together._

_Author's Note: So I tried not to leave you guys hanging for too long. I'm really interested to hear your thoughts on this one...it was very challenging to write because there's a very delicate balance between overreacting and under-reacting. I was aiming for the happy medium._

_Disclaimer: Nope, still not mine. And neither is the post I based this off of._

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 6<strong>

She loved him. So much.

God, this would be so much easier if she did not, though. Would hurt so much less.

Kate sighed through her tears. This was why she had been so hesitant, so afraid to open up; because this was the kind of pain that came from giving your heart away.

She buried her head in her pillow, not bothering to stifle her sobs, not pretending that it did not hurt. Because it did. She felt numb, dull, and her chest physically ached. It was the worst pain she had felt in a long time, the worst betrayal since Royce. Combine those two together and she had no desire to get out of bed. Ever.

Kate lay there, face in the pillow, crying herself into a restless slumber. She tossed and turned, her dreams laced with images, their real words mixed with possible outcomes, none of which ended well. Add in a smattering of her mother and bits and pieces from the night Montgomery died, and she was an emotional disaster.

But when she slipped back into consciousness some time later, on the tail end of a dream in which Castle's body was wrapped around hers, she remembered why this was worth it. Why she was going to find a way to work this out. Because the time they spent together held some of her best memories. The things he made her feel made it worth the pain. And the way they loved each other made everything else seem insubstantial.

It was not, of course. This pain was real, her trust was damaged. But their love was stronger. This was not the first time he had hurt her and it would certainly not be the last. But it was something they could overcome, something that would make them stronger.

Kate rolled over, taking in her surroundings with puffy eyes. It was dark now, probably well after midnight, but her bloodshot eyes struggled to focus on the clock. The sounds of the city below seemed louder, the lights brighter than normal, probably a result of the pounding in her head, making her hypersensitive.

Now that she had had time to think and cry out the worst of the pain and anger, she understood. Knew that she would have done the same had the situation been reversed. There was nothing she would not do to keep him safe, to keep him alive. Nothing. And though she still thought he should have told her before now, she did at least understand his reasoning.

He had made a decision to protect her, and as much as she outwardly shied away from that, inside, she was touched. It scared her that he would put himself in harm's way, especially for a case like this, to keep her safe. But it was also a testament to how much he loved her.

However, he was going to have to stop. That much was clear. Nobody else needed to lose their life...or almost lose their life...to this twisted nightmare of a conspiracy.

And there was no way in hell that she was going to lose him. No way she would survive that.

But nevertheless, she understood what he had done. And once the betrayal wore off, she would probably even love him a little more for it...for looking out for her and keeping her safe. For always putting her first. Because no one else she had dated had ever been so selfless, so willing to give anything, for her.

Kate sighed, rolled over again. She wanted nothing more than to snuggle back under the covers, hide from the coming day, the situation she was sure to face. She was completely exhausted, even more worn out now than she had been before she fell asleep. But she was thirsty and freezing and had a terrible headache, so she was going to have to stop living in denial and get out of bed.

Sleepily, Kate made her way across the room, opened her door, intending to grab a glass of water. What she was not planning to do, however, was nearly trip over a set of legs that were sprawled haphazardly across the hallway

"What the...?" she gasped in surprise.

Her first reaction at seeing Richard Castle asleep in her hallway right outside her bedroom door was shock.

Next was anger at him for not leaving when she had asked him to.

Then came the guilt, the anger at herself for how she had treated him. Yes, she had been mad and yes, she felt betrayed, but she should not have walked out on him like she did.

And finally, she felt a familiar warmth spreading through her at the fact that he had stayed. Despite the way she had treated him, the hurtful things she had said, he was still here, waiting for her. Fighting for her. He still owed her one hell of an explanation, but she owed him an apology, too. A very heartfelt one.

Kate tiptoed over his legs and made her way to the kitchen for some water...her head hurt from crying and fighting and not really sleeping...and she really needed some ibuprofen. However, the distant sound of the faucet running was enough to rouse Castle from his own fitful sleep.

He stretched the crick out of his neck, looked around in confusion, taking in the light-colored walls and hard floor surrounding him, the open door to his right. And his own massive headache.

He pulled his legs in and was about to stand, head off in search of pain relievers, when Kate appeared at the end of the hallway, looking hollow and sullen. And that alone made his heart break all over again.

She froze, water glass suspended halfway to her mouth.

"Kate," he rasped, his throat dry from sleep.

"Don't." She held up her free hand, stopping him from rising. "Just...give me a minute."

She stepped over him, made her way back into her room and through to the bathroom for some ibuprofen. She grabbed the whole bottle, figuring Castle might need some as well, popped a couple into her mouth, chased them down with half of the water.

She chanced a glance in the mirror, immediately wished she had not. Her hair was a mess, her eye makeup was smeared all over, and her eyes were red and swollen. Lovely, Kate.

Then again, Castle had not looked much better, with his hair out of whack from running a hand through it, and his own eyes tired and empty. She thumbed away the worst of her raccoon eyes and then took a deep breath, knowing that like it or not, she had to face this now.

She made her way back through her room, found him still seated in the hall, back against the wall.

Wordlessly, Kate held out the ibuprofen and the water, and he took them from her, his movements stiff, careful to avoid any contact with her fingers. He poured a couple of the pills into his palm, washed them down with the remaining water, and set both aside to be forgotten, at least for the time being.

He looked up then, meeting her eyes. "I'm sorry."

"Don't. Please." She could not deal with a loving apology right now.

"Just hear me out. Please," he almost begged.

Kate sighed. She was not sure his explanation would make things any better, but she owed it to him to give him a chance.

She leaned against the doorframe, hands crossed over her chest defensively. "Okay, fine."

"I did it because I love you," he said, deciding to just go for broke. There was no sense beating around the bush with this one, not when it was already such a messy situation.

"And you thought keeping a huge secret from me was the best way to convey that?"

Well, this was starting off well.

"I trusted you, Castle," she continued. "And I thought you trusted me, too."

"I do."

"Then why didn't you tell me before now?"

"Because I knew you'd start to dig."

"So you lied?"

"I didn't lie, exactly, I just," she fixed him with a glare and he paused, re-evaluated his word choice, "didn't mention it?" he offered.

"Call it whatever you want, Castle, but the fact is that you kept this information from me. Information that's very personal to me, because this is _my_ case. She was _my_ mother."

"And if I'd told you, you would have run right after them."

"It's my case, my life, and my decision."

Kate knew she was not being rational, but it was late and she was tired and angry and in love and not really thinking through what she was saying. This was entirely her emotions talking right now.

"And you're just being selfish if you think that's true, because it's not all about you anymore," Castle fought back. "It's not just your case. The moment they killed Montgomery, this became all of our fight. The whole team. And yes, it's your life, but maybe you should stop and think about the other people in your life, because there is a whole list of people who would be devastated if these guys got to you."

"It doesn..."

"And those people care about you, Kate, and, like it or not, they'll do whatever they can to protect you."

"I don't need protecting."

"They shot you, Kate."

"That doesn't mean..."

"We already almost lost you once, and I will _not_ let it happen again." His voice was firm, left no room for argument.

For the first time since she stumbled over him in the hallway, Kate forced herself to really focus on her partner, and she could see in his eyes the lasting effects of that day in the cemetery. She could see the pain, the haunted memories, the lingering fear. Could see how keeping this from her had torn at him, slowly worn him down from the inside out.

Kate uncrossed her arms, slid down opposite him, ensuring that no part of their bodies were touching. That would be more than she could handle right now. She leaned her head back against the cold wall, felt her emotions start to stabilize somewhat as her body relaxed. Felt her brain begin to really comprehend what he had said, begin to understand just how hurt he was by all of this, too.

Because though he had betrayed her and she had every right to be angry, she was partially responsible for this situation as well. She was the one who had buried herself in this case many times before, had let it take over her life, all the while leaving him behind to watch her lose herself. It was no wonder he did not trust her. Because it was so close to her, too close, really, and amidst all the emotions associated with this case, there was really no room left for rationality.

"You still should have told me," she said again, less accusingly this time.

"You would have..."

"You don't know that, Castle," Kate protested, annoyed at him for assuming the worst even though he really had no reason to believe otherwise. "You asked me to step back for a while and I said I would."

"But if I'd told you there was a lead, you would have changed your mind."

"You don't know that," she repeated. "Do you really trust me so little that you think I would have run right back into the line of fire when I was still trying to recover? That I can't make my own decisions?"

Rhetorical questions, really, because she obviously knew what his answers would be.

"It's not..."

"I'm an adult, Castle, and regardless of your feelings for me, you don't have the right to make decisions for me. And you sure as hell shouldn't have hidden that from me."

"They would have killed you, Kate."

"You don't kn..."

"Yes. I do," he said firmly, stopping her mid-word. "Right after you got back to the precinct, a man called me. An old friend of Montgomery's. He said Montgomery sent him some files...files that are the only reason you and he were still alive. I don't know what they are, but if they get out, they would hurt some very powerful people. He was hiding them in exchange for the safety of you and his family. This man has them now, has them hidden. But if you start digging at all, they'll come after you again. I had to ask you to back off so that wouldn't happen."

He reached out, risked taking her hand. "You can't get back into this, Kate."

She jerked her arm away. "Yeah? And what makes you think you can?"

"They didn't say anything about me."

She snorted. "Right, because if you dig up the info, do you really think they'll hesitate to come after you, too?"

"I have connections, Kate. And I can always pass it off as book research."

"Yeah, until someone catches on, and then all of your 'connections' are in danger, too. You don't think, Castle, and I'm sick of it."

"You think I haven't thought this through?" he demanded, his voice rising again. "I know it's risky, Kate. And I knew you were going to be upset. But that's a small price to pay for keeping you alive. I watched you die once and I'm never going through that again."

"Right, so it's you this and you that, but what about me? You know I need these answers. You know how important this is to me."

"Which is why I'm trying to find the answers, Kate. I'm trying to put this thing to rest. _For you_."

"It's not your responsibility, Castle."

"Yes, it is. I'm your partner. Anything that affects you affects me too. And I'll do whatever it takes to protect you."

"I don't need..."

"They shot you, Kate, so don't even say you don't need it. Everyone needs someone to have their back."

"But I..."

"Your dad asked me to keep you safe. Did you know that? He came to me, asked me to make sure he didn't lose you to this, too. I almost failed. They almost killed you. I can't..." his eyes filled with tears at the memory. "God, Kate. I just...I wouldn't survive losing you. And neither would everyone else who loves you. You can be angry at me, but I stand by my decision to ask you to back off."

"That's not what I'm upset about," she said honestly, her voice softening a tad at the sight of his tear-filled eyes. "I'm angry that you kept it a secret. That I've worked so hard to get to a place where I trust you with everything but you don't trust me enough to be honest with me. I made sure we didn't go into this with secrets, Castle. I was making my best effort to be open and honest and to do this right. But now it doesn't matter because you couldn't afford me the same courtesy."

"Look, I screwed up, okay. And for what it's worth, I seriously considered telling you the other day, too. But you were talking about how you were working to let it go and I thought bringing it up again would have just made things worse for you."

"It might have," she agreed, "but it would have been easier to deal with then rather than now."

"I didn't know that. I was doing what I thought was best for you."

"I understand _why _you did what you did, Castle, but that doesn't make it right.

"I just...I'm sorry, okay. And I do trust you, but I made your dad a promise. And Montgomery. I just wanted to keep you safe, keep these guys away from you. But you're right, I should have told you. I'm sorry."

His eyes were honest, sincere, and she could see the change in them from just a few minutes earlier. He may not have said it aloud, but it was clear that he was afraid that she would dive back into the case now that she knew that there was more information. He was going to have to show her what he had found; on that stipulation, she was not compromising.

But because she knew him so well, could read the nuances of his facial expressions, she could tell that his fears were fading. That he honestly believed her when she said she was not going to run at the case. And perhaps that was why she also believed him now when he said that he trusted her. This was an issue that was not going to disappear overnight, and the damage from this fight would be with them for a while yet, but honesty and trust was a good place to start.

"You know, putting yourself in between them and me is not the answer," Kate said eventually.

Now that she had an apology and explanation for the main issue, it was time to face the other major problem; Castle's safety, or current possible lack thereof.

"What other choice did I have?"

Kate paused, mouth open. She did not have a good answer to that, really, besides the fact that he just should have stayed away to begin with.

"I don't know, but not this. I can't lose you, Rick," she admitted, her heart clenching painfully at the very thought of a life without him.

"Well, now you know how I feel."

Silence fell as they digested that information, accepted that this was something on which they were probably not going to agree. And they certainly were not going to come up with any kind of solution in the middle of the night.

"Come on." She stood after a few silent minutes, tugged him up with her. "It's late and I'm exhausted. Let's get some sleep."

He staggered upright as he made sense of her words, of the fact that her fingers were twined with hers. He would be sleeping in her bed, apparently. With her. Right after the worst fight they had ever had.

He was not complaining. Not at all. This was just not how he had expected the conversation to end.

Kate shut the door behind them, made her way to her bed. The path was lit by the city lights shining through the slats of the mostly-closed blinds, casting faint stripes of illumination across the room. Castle followed behind her, removing his jeans and socks, tossing them aside.

She crawled back into bed, rearranging the covers that had been tangled around her earlier, a result of her restless dreams. She straightened the sheet, felt the bed dip next to her as Castle climbed in and grabbed ahold of the other side of the blankets, pulling them up and around their bodies.

She lay down then, on her side facing him, and he settled next to her, reaching out but not quite touching her.

"Are you okay?" he asked softly.

She shrugged one shoulder, the covers rising and falling with her motions. "Ask me in the morning."

"Okay."

"I just need some sleep," she clarified.

They adjusted the covers, unknowingly shifted slightly closer to each other.

Castle reached out, covered her hands with his. "I love you, Kate. Even if you never trust me again, I want you to know that I'll always love you."

"I know," she breathed, too tired to even consider the permanence of the words 'always' and 'love you' in the same sentence.

Kate flipped one hand over, twining her fingers with his in between their bodies.

Castle lifted a hand to his lips, kissed the back of her palm. "Good night."

She smiled faintly, the first time since his earlier reveal, and he allowed himself a small smile as well. Things were not all dealt with. They had a long way to go. But Kate was in bed with him, holding his hand and smiling, and that was a very good sign.

"Night, Castle."

* * *

><p><em>Thoughts?<em>


	7. Chapter 7

_Summary: Through all of the secrets and the lies, the betrayal and the pain, the destination was always the same. They were meant to be together._

_Author's Note: Umm...I really don't have much to say here. So, yeah. Enjoy!_

_Disclaimer: Nope, still not mine. And neither is the post I based this off of._

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 7<strong>

Castle woke alone, the room bathed in pre-dawn light. The panic was instant, the fear that she had left. He rolled over in a hurry, felt the warmth lingering on the sheets. Wherever she went, she had not been gone long. Could not be too far away.

Castle sat up, swung his legs over the edge of the bed, and caught sight of something in his peripheral vision.

Kate, standing in front of the window, blinds cracked open, her figure silhouetted by the light shining through. His entire body relaxed immediately as he slid out of bed and crept over to her.

She did not turn around, but he could see in the reflection in the window that she was cradling her mother's ring to her chest.

"Kate," he whispered, his warm breath caressing her neck, making her shiver.

She leaned into him and his arms made their way around her torso, hands coming to rest softly on her stomach.

"Come back to bed."

She sighed, shook her head slightly. "I can't sleep."

"Why not?"

"You keep dying in my dreams." Her voice was quiet, the word 'dying' catching in her throat.

Oh. Oh, Kate.

"God, I'm so sorry," he said softly, his voice wracked with guilt. "This is all my fault." He dropped his head forward until his forehead rested against her temple. "I'm so sorry, Kate."

She shook her head again. "I've had nightmares for years. That's not new. But you've never," her voice broke, "died before."

Kate was trying to hide the tears but a couple escaped anyways. Castle's hand darted up to catch them, his other arm turning her to face him, folding her into his embrace.

"I'm here, Kate. I'm here and I'm safe and I'm not going anywhere."

"No more case," she said softly, shakily, her arms finding purchase on his back, ring clasped tightly in one hand.

"No more case," he agreed, his lips moving against her temple. He held her lovingly as her tears dried up, hands stroking her hair, lips kissing whatever skin they could reach. In fact, if not for the lingering terror of her dreams, she would probably be a mushy mess right now, fighting to hold herself upright.

"Come back to bed, Kate," he tried again, taking a step back, bringing her with him. She went easily this time, making no move to leave his arms even once they were settled under the covers.

Castle gently pried open her fingers, removed the necklace and placed it on the table beside her bed. As he settled back into bed, his arms found their way around her, cradling her to his chest, his body surrounding hers, warm and solid and grounding her to reality, pushing away the images of her sleep-addled brain.

"Sleep, Kate," he murmured, breath washing over the top of her head.

She burrowed deeper into him, soaking up his warmth and comfort and the pure love that was radiating from his body.

"Mmmm, love you, Castle."

* * *

><p>Sleepy Kate was officially his favorite version of her. He was in love with every facet of her, of course; the Kate who was a confident detective, the Kate who could match him innuendo for innuendo, and frequently outwitted him, the Kate who would slip into a skimpy dress and mercilessly tease him on the dance floor.<p>

But more recently, he had become acquainted with the other sides of her, too. The Kate who touched and hugged and kissed him so tenderly. The Kate who was no longer afraid to let her feelings show, to allow the love to shine in her eyes. The Kate who was opening up to him about her struggles. The Kate who was willing to fight for them just as fiercely as he was.

But cuddly, half-asleep Kate, who lazily kissed his chest and mumbled words of love, was his favorite of all. Because the feeling of falling asleep to her voice and waking with her in his arms was something Castle was not sure he could put into words. Not to mention the fact that he was the only man who got to see that side of her, and he was infinitely grateful for that, for the fact that they were finally getting their shot at happiness. And love. And forever.

He ran a hand through her hair, planted a kiss to her temple, and felt her stir slightly. He froze, not wanting to wake her; she had clearly been exhausted last night...this morning...whatever time it was that they had finally gotten to sleep.

One hazel eye blinked open, then the other, the man wrapped around her slowly coming into focus. His blue eyes were shining with happiness, overflowing with love and adoration and every other associated emotion, and Kate felt herself smile. She could not remember the last time she had woken in such a manner.

"Hey."

"Hey yourself," he replied.

She reached up, ran a palm across his stubbly jaw, realizing that he looked _good_ all rumpled and sleepy and unshaven.

_Really good._

"Sleep okay?"

He nodded, leaned into her touch. "Yeah."

"Me too," she murmured, eyes conveying how much she appreciated his presence, how much he had helped her to push away her demons for the night.

"What time is it?" Kate asked after a brief silence.

Castle rolled over, looked at the clock. "Almost ten."

"Okay." She had not slept that late in a long time, but apparently she had needed it.

"Are you on call today?"

She shook her head. "I have the whole weekend off."

"So we can stay right here, right?"

She could see the teasing glint in his eyes, mixed in with the seriousness of his suggestion, and as much as she wanted to agree, wanted to remain right here with him as long as possible, she had plans. And they needed to finish their discussion from last night. This morning. Whenever it was.

"I'm meeting my dad in a couple hours," she reminded him.

Oh, right. The lunch that he had been very much looking forward to. Except now he was nervous, especially given the current state of things. Yes, they were cuddling in bed, and smiling and happy. But there were still underlying issues that he knew were going to have to be discussed, sooner rather than later.

"Right."

"So I have to get up soon."

He nodded thoughtfully, propped himself up on one elbow. "Do you still want me to come with you?"

Kate faltered. Did she? She already knew her father and Castle got along. She knew he would not mind having her partner there. But she also wanted to talk to him _about_ her partner, about recent arguments and such. And that would be much less awkward if Castle was not present.

"It's okay if you don't," he added quickly, as if sensing her internal battle. "I understand. This case is as personal to your father as it is to you and I understand if you want to talk to him without me there."

"I..." she hesitated. She was relieved that he knew her so well, but still felt bad about excluding him. But this was really something she needed to do alone. She needed to talk everything through with her father, see what he had to say, get a second opinion. "Yeah, okay. Thanks."

"No problem," he said softly, squeezing her shoulder. "There'll be another time."

Kate studied her partner, looking for signs of anger, but found none. "Are you sure you're okay with that?"

He nodded. "Yes. I mean it. There will be time for the three of us to have lunch later. I have things I can go home and do. And you're welcome to stop by after you're done."

Kate smiled. "I just might."

On the nightstand behind her, her cell phone rang, and she reluctantly extricated herself from his hold to answer it.

"Beckett."

"Hey, sweetie," came a familiar voice on the other end of the line.

"Hey, Dad."

"We still on for lunch today?"

She sat up, pushed some stray strands of hair out of her eyes. "Of course."

"Same place as usual?"

Kate smiled to herself. "I'll meet you there."

When she turned back around, Castle was fixated on her, a soft smile on his lips and a tenderness in his eyes.

"What?"

He shook his head, disbelieving. "I just...I...you, Kate."

She raised an eyebrow, considered making fun of his complete lack of eloquence. There was something so enthralling to know that she held that much power over him, simply by sitting in bed with him in pajamas and no make-up and eyes that were still probably a little reddened from last night.

"Me what?" she prompted.

He lifted up off of his elbow, kissed her lightly. "I'm just glad to be here."

She slipped out of bed, turned, placed both hands on the mattress and leaned over to kiss him again.

"Me too, Castle."

* * *

><p>Two hours later, Kate stepped through the door of her favorite diner, the bell overhead signaling her entrance. Her eyes settled on her father immediately, tucked away in a corner booth with a glass of water in one hand. His head rose as she neared, and he greeted her with a smile as he stood to embrace her.<p>

"Hey, Dad."

"Hey, sweetie," he responded as they separated.

Kate slid into the booth opposite him, discarded her jacket and purse next to her.

"It's so good to see you."

She smiled, hoping her face belied everything her exhaustion, the stress of the last week. "You too."

"How are things going?"

Before she had a chance to answer, a slim blonde waitress, probably in her teens, appeared at their table. She placed a glass of water in front of Kate, topped off Jim's glass, and then pulled out her notepad, ready to take their order. It briefly crossed Kate's mind that perhaps the young girl should work on her timing a bit; if they had not eaten here many times before, Kate would have no clue what to order, as she had not yet picked up the menu.

After she departed, Jim returned his attention to his daughter, who was staring blankly at the salt and pepper shakers, a line of worry creasing her forehead.

"What's wrong, Katie?"

She snapped her eyes up, realized she had been doing a miserable job of concealing her inner turmoil. She wanted to discuss it with her father, but she had been hoping to start out the meal on a more pleasant topic.

"Nothing," she said quickly.

He fixed her with the fatherly glare, the one that reminded her that it was useless to try to lie to him, and Kate complied. She never had been able to get away with it.

"Rick," she said finally.

Jim raised an eyebrow, the concern in his eyes temporarily overshadowed by mischief. "Rick, huh?"

"Yeah, why?"

"No reason. He's just usually 'Castle' when you talk about him."

Oh. Damn. Why did fathers have to be so perceptive? Why did she have to be too tired to successfully hide anything today?

Jim was not oblivious to his daughter's feelings for the author, nor the fact that those feelings were very much reciprocated. And Kate was under no delusions about that. But she had been hoping to keep things under wraps at least until they were more established, had more fully recovered from everything.

"Anyways," Kate said, deflecting the question, "we had a fight. A huge one."

"What about?"

Jim saw the hurt and anger pass through her eyes. "He's been working on my case."

"For how long?"

"Since the summer."

"Ah. And you just found this out?"

She nodded.

"How?"

Kate hesitated. Somehow answering with 'we were stumbling across my living room, attached at the mouth, until he saw the murder board I have hanging in my window' did not seem like the appropriate answer.

"He, uh, he told me."

"Why now?"

Why did fathers always know how to ask the most annoying and overly astute questions?

"He felt bad keeping it a secret." It was the truth...the paired down version, but the truth nonetheless. Her father did not need any more details than that.

"And you were upset?"

She nodded. "Still kind of am."

"Why?"

"Because he lied," she answered, exasperation making its way through.

Jim nodded slowly. While he did not condone the fact that Castle had lied to his daughter, he had spent enough time with him in the hospital waiting room that it was obvious to him why Castle had chosen that particular course of action. Not smart, necessarily, especially given how much deceit Kate had experienced in her life. But completely understandable.

He was also grateful to know that Castle had listened to him last May, had taken his words to heart when he asked him to keep Kate safe. Actually, maybe he had taken it too much to heart; Jim had never intended for Castle to put himself in the line of fire. But either way, there was one glaringly obvious reason Castle had done all of this, and Jim wanted to make sure Kate understood that.

"Do you know why he lied?"

Kate sighed. "Yeah, he explained it all."

"You don't sound like you liked his answer."

"No, I...I get it. I see why he did what he did. But it still hurts that he didn't trust me."

"I don't think it was about trust, sweetie," Jim replied bluntly.

"He said it was." Along with other things she was not about to bring up with her father.

"That was some of it, maybe," Jim said, "but I think there was more to it. And I think you know that, too."

"Dad, I'm not having this conversation with you."

It was one thing to know that Castle loved her and to have said the words back to him. It was entirely another to admit all of this to her father, especially when the whole thing was still so private and special and new to her.

"Katie, you don't have to tell me everything that was said," Jim clarified, seeming to sense her hesitance. "I just want you to consider that maybe this was about more than trust. Maybe it was about your safety, too."

"I know," she admitted. "I know it was."

"You sound mad."

"I am," Kate admitted, the words spilling out. "He exchanged my safety for his. He put himself in the line of fire for someone he never even met."

"He didn't do it just for your mother, Katie. He did it for you. And I think you know that, too."

Kate sighed heavily. She did. She knew all of this, and more. But that did not help the situation, because Castle was in danger, and she would not rest easy until he was safe.

"Katie, what are you really upset about?"

Lovely. Now he was playing the role of father _and_ therapist. And to make matters worse, he had drilled right down to the core of her anger with one sentence. One question. Broken trust could be fixed. Wounds could heal. Walking around with a giant red 'X' on your back was a lot more difficult to overcome.

"He can't do this, Dad," she said finally, eyes brimming with tears. "I already lost Mom. And Captain Montgomery. I can't lose him, too."

Jim reached out, covered her hand on the tabletop. "I'm sure he'd stop if you asked him to."

"I did."

"And?"

"He said he would."

"Then what's the problem?"

"He knows as much or more than I do. He'll still be in danger."

"Have you told him all of this."

"Yes."

"Then aside from watching out for him, that's really all you can do, Katie."

She dropped a head into her hand, defeated. "I know."

"He only has your best interests at heart."

"I know," she repeated.

"Everyone makes mistakes."

Kate thought back to last weekend, to when her own secret had come to light. Had it really only been a week? It felt like more. A lot more. Probably because the range of emotions she had experienced in the last seven days topped any week in the recent past.

"I know, Dad."

"He's a good man, Katie."

Kate smiled just as their food arrived, images playing through her mind. Yes, Castle had made mistakes. So had she. But that did not make either of them a bad person.

No, not at all.

Because in all honesty, she could not think of a better man than Richard Castle.

* * *

><p><em>Thoughts?<em>


	8. Chapter 8

_Summary: Through all of the secrets and the lies, the betrayal and the pain, the destination was always the same. They were meant to be together._

_Author's Note: _First of all, I know FF was having some issues last week, and given the low response to the last chapter, I'm guessing some of you may not have gotten the alert for it. If that's the case, you probably want to go back and read Chapter 7 first. And secondly, a_pparently I was in a really weird mood when I wrote this chapter. That's really the only explanation I have for the way it turned out. You have been warned. _

_Disclaimer: Nope, still not mine. And neither is the post I based this off of._

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 8<strong>

"Hey."

"Hey." He stepped back to allow her in. "How was lunch?"

"It was good."

"How's your dad?"

"He's good."

She shed her coat, tossed it over the back of the couch.

Castle tried again. "You doing okay?"

"I guess," Kate answered with a noncommittal shrug.

As if her one-word answers were not enough, her halfhearted gesture made it plain to see...she was either still upset or about to do something he was not going to like. Or both.

In an attempt to avert whatever events were about to conspire, Castle spoke up. "What can I do?"

Without answering, she made her way to his office, located the storyboard remote on his desk.

"Kate." His voice rang out behind her as he appeared in the doorway just in time to watch her press the button, bringing the board to life.

She ignored him, tapped the screen, and found herself staring at...herself...and though she knew the board was covered with information about her case, it still caught her off guard to see her picture front and center.

From there, her vision widened, taking in the rest of the array; pictures of her mom, Lockwood, Raglan, McAllister, and Montgomery. She felt a tear escape at the thought of her fallen captain, mentor, and leader.

"Kate." Castle's voice was nearer this time, his breath on her neck, and she could hear the tension in his voice.

Her eyes remained focused on the board, scanning familiar facts and integrating the new ones.

"Mayor Weldon?" she murmured questioningly.

Oh, crap. He had forgotten all about that.

"Yeah," he answered softly, "that case was related, in a way."

"How?"

"Long story."

Kate was not to be deflected. "I'm not going anywhere."

"No, Kate. Please. It's better if you don't know."

She turned, fixed him with a glare. "Well, it would be best if you didn't know either, but since you do, you're going to tell me everything you've found."

He shook his head, took a step back. "No. You can't keep looking into this."

"But that doesn't mean I can't know what's going on."

"What if they find out that you know?"

"They won't."

"But what if they do?"

Kate looked around pointedly. "We're in your loft. Are there hidden cameras or mysterious people hiding here?"

"Not that I know of."

Kate rolled her eyes. "Now you're being paranoid."

"Am I?" he asked angrily, advancing on her again. "They shot you, Kate. Right in front of me. At a funeral. So don't you dare tell me I'm being paranoid. If anything, you're being too lax about all of this."

"Yes, because I really want to go through a repeat of last summer again. God, Castle, you've known me for how long now? You really think I'd willingly get shot again?"

His silence was all the answer she needed, really.

Castle opened his mouth, closed it again, unsure of what to say next. He had no doubt that she had no desire to get shot again. But he had also worked with her long enough to know that her working this case was like an alcoholic just having one drink; she could not stop herself. She could not just get part of the way in. She had to give it all she had, and in this case, that was going to get her killed.

"They won't miss next time," he said eventually, ominously, hating the bitter taste of the words as they left his mouth, but knowing that it had to be said. She _had_ to understand how serious this was, and until she did, he was not going to trust her with this information.

"There's not going to be a next time," Kate replied firmly, her eyes hard, defiant, daring him to disagree with her again.

"There will be if you dig. At all."

"Castle, for God's sake, how many times do I have to tell you this. I'm not going to. You asked me to back off, and I did. You're the one who kept going. Not me. So if anyone has the right to be untrusting about this, it's me."

"Kate, you don't understand..."

"No, _you_ don't understand. I get it, okay?" she snapped, her voice gaining volume with every word. "And the only person who's going to be in danger of getting shot is you if you don't tell me what you've found."

Castle's eyes widened, he took a step back, holding his hands up in surrender. There was no way she was truly serious, no chance that she would ever point a gun at him. But with as riled up as she was, he was not taking any chances.

He sighed heavily, running his fingers through his already disheveled hair. He did not like this, did not like the thought of her being involved. Did not want to risk them finding out that she knew more than she had before. Even in the safety of his office, he was wary of telling her this. Hell, this guy had connections everywhere. Who is to say that he could not be following one or both of them at all times, tracing their every move, eavesdropping on their conversations?

But he knew Kate was right; she deserved to know. This was not something he could continue to keep secret, not if he wanted their partnership to survive. And she was stubborn enough that she would not back down until he had told her everything.

He took a deep breath, released it slowly. "Fine. But this information cannot leave this room. _Nobody_ can know that you know _any_ of this."

"I know," she replied, annoyed. "I'm aware of the dangers, remember?

"I just..."

"Just tell me what's new."

Castle was struck with the incredibly childish desires to either stick his tongue out or salute her with a snobby 'yes, maam.' However, behaving like a three year old at this juncture was probably not in his best interest. So instead, he forced back any reaction and began to talk.

He filled her in on everything; the mystery man, the mayor, the mystery phone calls, the files. All of it. Kate took it all in stride, face remaining stoic, but Castle could see through the shield, could see the cracks starting to form. The annoyance at this guy for one-upping them yet again. The inability to safely attain those files. The identity of the mysterious, supposedly trustworthy, man. Montgomery's sacrifice, for which Kate had never properly been able to grieve.

None of it made sense. None of it added up to anything they did not already know...powerful guy with enough connections and resources to always stay one step ahead of them. It was infuriating and discouraging.

At long last, Kate shut off the board, remote clenched tightly in her fist. "This is mine now," she said, voice soft but firm, her emotions hidden enough to almost make him believe that she was truly okay with all of this.

That did not mean she was going to get her way, though. "No."

"Yes. It's mine. That way you can't keep looking alone, and when I'm ready, we can try again."

"I won't work on this, okay," he gestured to the now blank board, "I swear to you. But this is my storyboard too."

"Castle," she said in a tone that left no room for debate.

He gaped at her, the realization suddenly washing over him. The hurt and surprise was evident on his face, in his eyes. Kate could see exactly when the feelings hit him, watched as he deflated, slouched, his entire face looking defeated.

"You don't trust me," he said softly.

"Not with this."

He sighed, shook his head. "God, this is a mess."

"Yeah, it is."

Silence fell, tense and uncomfortable, as each debated the best course of action.

"I don't know if I can do this, Kate," Castle said at last, hating that it had come to this, but unsure of how else to handle things.

"Do what?"

He gestured between them. "This. Us. Not when you don't trust me."

"Well, you don't trust me either."

"Which is why this is a problem. How can we be in a relationship when we don't trust each other?"

Kate staggered backwards, bracing a hand on his desk to hold herself upright, the words hitting her like a knife to the chest. A pain so much worse that the bullet wound, deeper and all-encompassing, flooded her body. He was breaking up with her...if you could even call it that, given that they had hardly been together.

"Castle, please. Don't do this."

"Beckett, no."

Another stab of pain at the use of her last name, the emotional detachment in his voice.

"No. Please. We can work this out. I'll do _anything_, Rick." She was begging now, voice laced with desperation and fear. But this was no time to worry about how pathetic she must have looked and sounded. Not when Castle was slipping away from her.

He shook his head, stepping back as she moved towards him, his evasion halting her approach. "As soon as I stopped trusting Meredith, our marriage was basically over. I never really trusted Gina with Alexis, and as a result, we never stood a chance. And I'm not about to start something with you on a complete lack of trust. It won't work, Beckett."

"Look, I made a mistake, okay? I screwed up and I shouldn't have lied to you. But please don't let that destroy what we have," she practically sobbed.

Lied? What was she talking about? Caste replayed recent events in his head, working backwards over the last few days.

Oh, that lie. Castle had not even been thinking about that. That was water under the bridge compared to this.

"That's not what worries me. That's over, okay? It's been dealt with."

"Then what?"

"The case."

Kate set the remote aside, on top of a pile of papers stacked haphazardly on his desk. She sighed audibly, ran an agitated hand through her hair.

"I don't know what else I can say to make you believe me."

He shrugged.

"What do you need to hear?"

He shrugged again.

"You've got to give me something here, Castle," she said angrily. "I'm trying to fix this, but I can't do it on my own."

He shook his head. "I don't know. I need to be able to sleep at night without the fear that you'll start digging again."

"Which I've already told you I won't."

"Telling me a thousand times doesn't fix broken trust, Kate."

At least he was calling her Kate again.

"I know that, and I know it's not going to happen overnight. I'm just asking you to give us a chance to make things better."

"You're honestly willing to try to fix this mess?"

"Yes," she practically sobbed, so beyond caring about the desperate sounds that were coming out of her mouth. "God, Castle, I love you so much. Of course I'm willing to fix this."

"And what happens when you're ready to take another stab at the case and I don't want you to?"

Kate shrugged. "We deal with that when it happens."

"No," he said adamantly. "No. Because then we'll have this fight all over again, and I'm not doing that."

She sighed, turning ideas over in her head, trying to come up with some semblance of a plausible solution. If they at least had a blueprint of a plan, maybe they could iron out the details later.

"I'll be discrete about it. And we'll do it together."

"What happened to not wanting me to be a part of the case?" he questioned.

"Like I'd really be able to stop you. And if I can't keep you from it, then I'm going with you."

"Fine, we do it together. Discretely. But that will only get us so far. Then what? Because this guy has a guy everywhere, and we'll probably arouse suspicion no matter how under-the-radar we try to fly."

"Then we..." she trailed off, "God, I don't know, Castle, because I have no idea where we'll be in the case by then."

"Hypothetically, then, what happens when discrete poking around isn't enough to find the answers? What happens when you have to dive back in head first to find the leads?"

"I'm not just going to blindly jump in, if that's what you're implying," she stated.

"Not on purpose."

Kate scoffed. "What's that supposed to mean?"

"I know you won't do that on purpose, Kate. But I don't think you realize how quickly you fall into it. You have all this new information now, and what happens when you have some extra time at the precinct some day and you get curious? You decide that you're just going to look up one little thing that you have a question about, and then that turns into something else, and before you know it, you're right back in the thick of things. You know this case has a tendency to suck you in without you even realizing it, Kate, and I can't watch that happen again."

"Then be here to make sure it doesn't."

Silence fell. Kate lifted her chin, found his eyes with her own. There were so many emotions swirling in their cobalt depths; confusion, anger, betrayal, sadness, fear, love. And it was heartbreaking to watch his struggle, to know that she was the one who had caused all of his pain.

Castle held her gaze, holding nothing back, laying it all bare for her to see. He wanted her to see just how hard she was going to have to work to fix this, the full extent of the mess that they had created for themselves. Everything they were going to have to overcome. If she was willing to fight for it, then so was he. But he wanted her to be one hundred percent sure, because if she was going to give up halfway through, run from the pain as was her habit, he would rather just end things now.

The sooner she broke his heart, the sooner he could start attempting to piece it back together. That would never happen, not fully, not if he and Kate were not together. But he could at least try.

He had promised himself long ago that he would never give up on Kate Beckett. He had told her, in not so many words, that he would wait for her. And he never had any intention of backing down on his promises.

Until today.

Until his heart had been torn to shreds by their fight, by their mutual lack of trust. Until he had realized that what they had now was not enough to make it to the forever that he dreamed about. And if they were bound to crash and burn, then they might as well get it over with.

He would probably never forgive himself if he walked away. But sometimes painful choices had to be made. Sometimes, the rise had to be stopped before they had a chance to fall, if the fall was something from which he would never recover.

"It's up to you, Castle," she said at last, breaking the silence. He could see in her eyes how much it cost her to say those words. How difficult it was for her to essentially hand him the control of their future, of her heart.

And maybe it was the fact that she did so that solidified his decision. Kate Beckett was incredibly careful with her heart. She kept it to herself as much as possible, sheltered it from the potential of pain and loss.

But now, she was giving it to him. And that meant that somewhere behind all of this mess, she still trusted him.

And if she still trusted him, then they had somewhere to start.

"Think about it," she said softly, cutting through his ruminations. "You know where to find me."

And with that, she slipped out of his office, snagging her coat on her way out of his loft.

The door shut behind her, gently, but in the silence of the loft, the noise was deafening.

Castle sighed, sunk into his desk chair and buried his head into his hands. He had known his secret was explosive. He had expected her to be furious. But never in his wildest dreams had he considered that it would tear them apart this badly, ripping straight down to the very core of their relationship.

He lifted his head, contemplated his next move. He had no appetite and, despite his heartache, had no desire to drink it all away. It was far too soon to go after her. And it was much too early to go to bed.

In the end, he decided that writing would be the best remedy. That way, he could sort through his emotions, get it all out, and decide on the next step.

Castle stood, retrieved his laptop, and headed into his bedroom with it, knowing from experience that he would be exhausted after purging all of his emotions onto the page.

He paused in the doorway, glanced back into the room as he reached for the light switch.

Out of the corner of his vision, something caught his eye, and his hand froze half way to its destination.

She had left the remote on his desk.

* * *

><p><em>Thoughts?<em>


	9. Chapter 9

_Summary: Through all of the secrets and the lies, the betrayal and the pain, the destination was always the same. They were meant to be together._

_Author's Note: Shorter, but hopefully a little bit sweeter than the last chapter._

_Disclaimer: Nope, still not mine. And neither is the post I based this off of._

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 9<strong>

Kate stumbled through the door of her apartment and collapsed on the couch, tears in her eyes, for the second time in a week.

She was terrified. Absolutely terrified. She had just given Castle complete control of her heart. Given him the power to completely shatter her.

She had also left the remote sitting on his desk. If that did not prove that she still trusted him, then she was out of ideas.

Things between them would be hesitant for a while, of that, she had no doubt. But she trusted him. This case was probably always going to be a sore spot for them, given the nature of their personalities and the overlying danger. But it did not need to tear them apart. Kate was _not _going to let that happen.

However, his reaction had not made her overly hopeful. Not at all. Because from what he had said to her, it seemed as though he would rather call it quits than give them another chance. And if that happened, Kate would never recover. Never.

Richard Castle held the only piece of her heart that she had every given away, and without him in her life, that piece would be forever missing. Empty. A giant void that on one would ever be able to fill. No one except Castle.

And now he was leaving, potentially, though not if Kate had any say in it.

A fresh wave of grief washed through her, the sobs wracking her entire body. She was trembling, from fear or emotional overload or exhaustion. Probably a combination of the three. But for once, she did not fight it. She let it overwhelm her, swallow her whole. She did not have the energy to hold it back, to pretend that she was not crumbling to pieces.

Kate had no idea how long she laid there, crying until she could not any longer. Her tears ran dry, her head hurt, her cheeks were caked with dried salt, her eyes swollen.

Eventually, she gathered up the energy to stand, make her way to her bedroom. Once there, she stripped down to her underwear, too lazy to put on pajamas, and collapsed into bed, careful to avoid any mirrors in the process. She had spent far too much time crying this week and had no desire to see herself raw and broken yet again.

Maybe if she did not see the hollow look in her eyes, she could convince herself that she would be okay. Kate snorted at the ridiculousness of the idea. Yeah, right. Vacant eyes or not, she could not suppress the desolate feelings threatening to drown her.

And as she settled under the covers, buried her head in the pillow, she found herself wondering if it was even worth it to fight to stay above the water.

* * *

><p>Across town, Castle could not believe what he had just done. He had walked away from Kate Beckett. Well, technically she was the one who had done the walking, but he had done nothing to stop her.<p>

It was the one thing he had promised himself he would never do. The one thing he did not think he would ever be able to do.

And considering that it had only been a few minutes and he already missed her, already hated himself, perhaps his assessment was correct.

No matter what thoughts had gone through his head during their argument, he was still madly in love with her, still would give absolutely anything to be with her. He was determined to find a way to forgive her, to gain her forgiveness, and to move forward from this point.

She still trusted him; the remote was proof of that. And no matter what he might have thought in the heat of the moment, he trusted her, too. He knew she would not purposely dive back into the case. He saw what it had done to her, knew her well enough to be sure that she would not have fought so hard to recover had she truly wanted to keep pushing forward through the case.

And really, when she had asked him to stay with her and make sure she did not disappear into the rabbit hole again, she had been dead on. He needed to be there. When it came to that case, he was her dry land. And that was a responsibility he took very seriously, because aside from his mother and daughter, Kate Beckett was the most important person in his life, and her safety was his top priority.

Hell, that was what had gotten him into this predicament in the first place; trying to keep her safe. His efforts may have backfired, but he had learned his lesson. From now on, he was going to protect her by standing by her side, not by going behind her back.

Now, he just needed to figure out how to make her see that.

However, that was not going to happen while he was slumped in bed, staring blankly through the door to his office. He needed a plan. And one hell of an apology. But most of all, he needed to find a way to show her that he trusted her.

Castle lifted his head, caught sight of the remote again. And in that moment, he knew exactly what he needed to do.

* * *

><p>Kate lay in her bed, wide awake, unable to shut off her brain. Replays of their fight were swirling through her mind, mixed in with images of the heartbreaking look on his face as she left, with every alternative scenario of how things could have turned out. Because really, anything would have been better than this.<p>

But even after going over all of it again and again, for however many hours she had been laying there, she still could not quite grasp how things had gone so badly so rapidly.

She thought they had figured all of this out when he apologized and said that he trusted her. When she said she understood. But apparently all they had accomplished was putting band-aids over everything. And the murder board had been more than enough to rip the wounds right back open.

Now, she had to cling to the hope that Castle would be willing to work with her to sew them back together.

She rolled over, her body surrounded by the cold sheets. Alone. God, she had only fallen asleep in his arms twice, and she was already addicted. Already could not live without it.

She just wanted him here. Wanted to be tangled up with him, because when he held her, everything was better, and when he kissed her, the entire world disappeared.

A distant knocking sound broke through the silence of her apartment, wrapping around her and filling her with fear, because there was really only one person it could be. And this was going to be the conversation that made her entire world crumble. The one where he said that he was sorry, but he just could not do this any longer. That he had plenty of material for Nikki Heat, and would no longer need to shadow her, either. And then he was going to walk out of her life. The look on his face when she left his loft earlier had made that pretty clear.

Kate had been trying to be optimistic, trying to cling the hope that he would come around eventually and that they would be okay. But now, with him standing outside her apartment, there was a sinking feeling in her stomach.

She rolled out of bed, pulled on the first outfit she could find...black yoga pants and a dark blue hoodie...and made her way out of her room. She felt nauseous, dizzy, and her heart was breaking with every step she took towards the door.

_Maybe it's not him,_ she thought to herself, though it was an exceedingly weak attempt at being convincing. _Probably just a neighbor or the landlord, or something._

She ran a hand through her hair as she reached for the doorknob, realizing that she probably looked horrid. But as she pulled open the door to reveal a thoroughly disheveled Castle, her state of being suddenly seemed entirely appropriate.

His hair was sticking up at all angles, there were dark bags under his eyes, and he looked like he had aged ten years in the last few hours. Kate took some twisted sort of comfort in the fact that he was just as torn up about this as she was.

She stepped back, silently allowing him in, and made her way to the sofa. She heard the door shut, the lock click into place, heard his footsteps approaching.

Castle considered for a moment, then sat down opposite her, not on the couch, not close to her.

Not a good sign.

The silence stretched, awkward and stressful. Words, said and unsaid, resonated in the emptiness.

"You, uh, you left the remote," he offered hesitantly after a minute.

She nodded, once, her movements stiff. "I know."

"I'm sorry." He broke first, his words cutting through the thick tension that had settled over them, offering the first hint of respite.

"I am too."

"I doubted you," he continued softly, hands twisting nervously in his lap, eyes darting around the room, refusing to meet hers. "And that was wrong of me. I know you would never be that reckless. And I'm sorry for thinking that of you."

Kate nodded, more to herself than anything else.

"I stand by my decision to keep you safe," he added, finding her eyes this time, conveying the seriousness of his words, "but from now on, I won't do that by keeping secrets from you. I promise you that."

"Okay.

Castle reached into his jacket pocket, retrieved something small and white, kept it firmly encased it in his fist. "And...one more thing."

He met her eyes, held her gaze firmly.

"The murder board is gone, Kate."

She blinked in surprise. "What?"

"It's gone. I erased it from the smart board."

"Where...what about the new information?"

"I wrote it down, and it's locked in my safe." He leaned across the coffee table, handed her a folded piece of paper. "Here's the combination. When you're ready, you know where to find it."

He was putting it aside, handing control of the case over to her.

"And when I open it up, you'll be there?" _To keep me from falling back in?_

He nodded solemnly. "Yes."

Kate impulsively flew to her feet, nearly vaulted over the coffee table, and flung her arms around his neck. Castle awkwardly stood to meet her, his hands coming to rest on her lower back, holding her into him as they found their balance.

"Thank you," she half-whispered, half-sobbed into his neck. "Thank you so much."

For coming after her. For trusting her. For promising to be by her side, no matter what.

At long last, they separated, Castle watching her closely. Kate nervously fiddled with the piece of paper in her hand; she knew that it was her turn now. She unfolded it, read the combination of numbers, refolded it, and slid it into her pants pocket.

"You know, there was a time when I would stop at nothing to find these answers." She gestured towards her own makeshift murder board, currently concealed by the shutters. "When I wouldn't have thought twice about diving back into it, because I just wanted justice for my mom, no matter what the cost."

She swiped at a tear, forced back the others begging for escape. "And I still do...want justice, that is. She deserves it. But she wouldn't want me to die for it. I was too young at the time to see that, too wrapped up in the unfairness of it all."

Kate lifted her eyes, found his watching her intently, hanging on her every word. "I know now that's not what she would want. She would want me to live, to have the life that was taken from her. And she would want me to find love. She always was a romantic."

Kate laughed softly, remembering the many conversations they had had about stupid teenage boys and broken hearts and the love that Kate never really understood. Not until now.

"My mom would have loved you, Castle." She stepped closer, rested a hand on his chest, right over his heart. "I love you. So much. And I want you to know that what you and I have is so much more important to me than finding these answers. I would rather spend every day not knowing than live a single day with the knowledge that my digging into this case ended up tearing us apart."

Kate leaned in, brushed her nose against his in the faintest of Eskimo kisses as she rested her forehead against his. "I'm sorry, Rick. For not trusting you, and for making it so difficult for you to trust me."

She lifted her head, met his eyes. "Please forgive me."

Castle captured the hand that rested on his chest, held her to him as his other arm made its way around her lower back. Her words just now meant more to him than anything else she had ever said or done, and there was no hesitation as he pulled her closer, welcomed her back into his embrace.

"I forgive you," he whispered against her lips before kissing her, barely there, a soft brush of lips. "And I trust you. And I love you."

Later, they would argue over who closed the distance first, but the next thing Kate knew, she was surrounded by Castle, their bodies melding together in the most delicious of ways. His lips were hot and demanding over hers, tongue exploring, teeth nipping.

"Castle," she gasped as he nibbled her lower lip, free hand running up and down her side, gracing over the outer curve of her left breast.

She removed her hand from his grasp, allowed it to join her other one around his neck, teasing the hairs at the nape.

He tore his lips from hers, allowing Kate a split second to catch her breath before he found her jaw, her neck, that spot behind her ear that made her knees week and left her gasping for breath all over again.

"Bedroom," she murmured as he sucked her earlobe into his mouth, making her legs give out.

She felt him smirk against her skin as she fell into him, his strong arms the only thing holding her upright, but she could not find it in herself to be annoyed. Not when he was doing _that_.

His tongue traced the shell of her ear as he started them backwards, sending a shudder through her entire body, and she stumbled, knocking both of them off-balance.

Castle just barely caught himself on the nearest wall, managing to keep both of them on their feet, and Kate took opportunity to turn the tables a bit. She slid her hands down his chest, working the buttons of his shirt, her lips trailing down every inch of newly-exposed skin, leaving no area unexplored.

"Oh," he gasped as her teeth grazed his nipple, followed quickly by the wet heat of her tongue. "God, Kate."

She shoved him backwards in response, down the hall, towards the open door of her bedroom.

And as they stepped across the threshold, the door flying closed behind them as he hungrily shoved her up against it, it briefly crossed Kate's mind that what was likely the last first time of her life was going to be make-up sex.

Then again, given their volatile history, it seemed like the most appropriate way to start.

* * *

><p><em>Thoughts?<em>


	10. Chapter 10

_Summary: Through all of the secrets and the lies, the betrayal and the pain, the destination was always the same. They were meant to be together._

_Author's Note: It's not M (apologies to those of you who wanted it to be) but it's toeing the line. If you don't like that stuff, skip to about halfway down the page._

___Disclaimer: Nope, still not mine. And neither is the post I based this off of.___

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 10<strong>

The first time may have been make-up sex, but the second and third and fourth certainly were not.

Round one had been hot and fast, clothing strewn all over the floor, and in their haste, they had barely made it to her bed. Kate had collapsed on top of him afterwards, breathing heavily, body sated.

Well, temporarily. When draped nakedly over an equally bare Richard Castle, feelings of satiation only lasted so long.

Round two had been slow and gentle, passionate and so filled with love that Kate had felt like she might explode...in more ways than one. They had taken their time, fingers and lips and tongues finding the places that made each other gasp and moan and writhe and beg. And, oh, God, she had never appreciated Castle's curiosity more than in those moments, as he took the time to find all of the spots she knew about...and a couple that she did not.

They had drifted off for a bit after that, waking in a sweaty tangle of limbs, very much in need of a shower. They had made their way to the bathroom, attached at the mouth, tripping over each other's feet in the process, thereby commencing round three.

That one had been hot and steamy as he took her up against the wall, and Kate was not sure she would ever be able to look at her shower again without thinking about a wet, soapy, naked Castle and all the delicious things he could do to her in said shower.

After that, they did manage to drag themselves to her kitchen for some sustenance, as it was after eight p.m. and neither had eaten since lunch. Castle was clad only in boxers, Kate in his shirt, exposed legs deliciously tempting as they waited for the pizza delivery boy.

Round four had very nearly taken place right then on her sofa, only to be interrupted by a knock at the door just as Castle began undoing the buttons on her shirt. His shirt. Whoever it belonged to. Given how it looked on her, he was considering letting her keep it and making her promise to wear it at all times when at home.

They ate practically sitting on top of each other on the couch, shoulders bumping with every bite, thighs pressed together, making it very difficult to focus on the food.

After filling up with pizza, though, both found themselves more interested in sleep than anything requiring more...exertion. So they broke open a bottle of wine, popped in a movie, and curled up together.

It did not take long for them to fall asleep spooned on the sofa, movie still playing in the background.

As it turned out, round four _did_ take place on the couch. Somewhere around three in the morning, Castle had woken Kate in the most delicious of ways, and she may still have been tired, but it is not like she ever could have said no. Not when she had drifted into consciousness to the feel of his hands and lips, exploring everywhere at once.

They had fallen asleep again after that, back in bed this time, sleeping soundly until now. Kate could not remember the last time she had slept in until nine o'clock, not even on a Sunday.

Then again, yesterday had given her plenty of reasons to be exhausted.

Communication may not be their strong point, but Kate could foresee no future problems in the physical aspect of their relationship. Well, except for the fact that the attraction was so overpowering, and they were going to have to manage to work together all day every day without going at it like rabbits.

She smiled at the thought, lifted her head off of his bicep, trailed her eyes approvingly over his chest on her way up to his face. When she arrived there, she was startled to find him awake, his blue eyes staring back at her, and rather than smugness that he had caught her blatantly admiring him, she could see in their depths how much he adored her.

Castle cupped her jaw with one hand, never breaking their eye contact. "Good morning, love."

Kate hummed quietly in response, leaned into his touch.

Castle's eyes flickered away then, unable to hold her gaze any longer. Her eyes had always been expressive, always given away the truths she tried to keep locked away. But right now, they were brimming with so much love and happiness that he was not sure he could handle it.

Kate Beckett loved him. He was still getting used to that concept.

She snuggled into him further then, twining her naked body with his, letting his warmth wash over her.

His arms tightened around her automatically and he buried his face in her hair. "God, I love you. So much, Kate."

She lifted her head at his words, eyes sparkling, entire body shining with happiness. She was radiant.

And speechless, apparently.

"You're glowing." Castle spoke again before she managed to find her words. There was a sense of pride in his voice that almost made Kate want to smack him. Almost. Except that she was grinning like an idiot and too overwhelmingly ecstatic to care.

Instead, she reached out and thumbed the remnants of sleep from the corner of his eyes. His bright, blue eyes.

"So are you."

"How could I not be? I just woke up wrapped around you after yesterday. And last night. And this morning. God, you just...you have no idea how happy you make me, Kate."

He kissed the tip of her nose, hugged her even tighter.

Kate sighed, melted into him.

If only he knew how much those words applied to her feelings as well.

* * *

><p>When Castle woke again...he did not even realized he drifted off...his arms were empty. He opened one eye, then the other, immediately found Kate. She was seated on the edge of the bed, partially wrapped in the blankets, facing away from him. He could tell that there was a small picture in her hand and knew immediately what it must be.<p>

He sat up and slid over onto what had become her side of the bed, rested his chin on her shoulder.

"Hey," she said softly, eyes still trained on the image.

He kissed her neck, scooted closer. "You okay?"

"I miss her," Kate said after a moment, tracing the outline of her mother in the photograph, a wistful look in her eyes. "So much. Especially times like this."

Castle wrapped his arms around her from behind, held her against his chest.

Kate dropped a hand, laced her fingers with his on her stomach.

"I wish...she could have met you. Seen how happy you make me."

Kate shook her head, smiled in reminiscence. "I used to hate it when she said 'I told you so.' Now I know it would be the first words out of her mouth."

"Smart woman."

She laughed softly. "She really was."

"I know I would have loved her, Kate."

"Hmmm."

He reached up, gently removed the picture from her hand and set it back on the nightstand.

"Wherever she is, I'm sure she's so proud of you."

Kate bit down on her lower lip to stop the tears. She refused to cry over this right now. She missed her mom. She would always miss her mom. But Castle made her happy, truly happy, for the first time since her mother's death.

And for that, she was truly thankful.

"I love you," she whispered, turning her head to brush a kiss to his cheek.

Castle tugged her backwards, settled back into the bed, his arm firm on her bare stomach, body surrounding hers.

She allowed herself to relax into his embrace, to take solace in his words, as she drifted on the brink of consciousness once more.

He simply held her, letting her rest, come to terms with her feelings. Things had been difficult enough after his break-up with Kyra, after his divorces, especially the first one; he could only begin to imagine how Kate must be feeling right now, dealing with so much love and loss at the same time.

But she was strong, stronger than even he realized sometimes. And she was here with him, opening up to him about her internal struggles, and that, more than anything, spoke to just how hard she was working to knock down her wall, how far she had come in making peace with her past.

Castle was amazed, completely amazed, as he lay there with her, naked and wrapped up in her bed. And not just because they had had mind-blowing sex multiple times in the last few hours.

No, it was more than that. He had commented in the past of the depths of her strength and her heart. But in just the span of the last twenty-four hours, he had become acquainted with the depths of her love.

A love that shone through in her every gesture, every word. A love that allowed her to forgive and overcome, and he knew that both of them would be stronger for making it through this past week.

But most of all, it was a love that was deep and true and forever. Because if they could survive this, they could survive anything life could ever throw at them.

Kate was it for him, and though it was probably far too soon to have that conversation, he could see in her eyes that she felt it, too.

One and done.

Okay, three and done for him, because it had taken him a while to figure out how to do this right. But he was done making those mistakes. She was forever engrained in his life, his heart, and even though it had only been less than a day, really, since they had worked it all out and truly taken the leap, he already could not imagine it any other way.

Was it too soon to ask her to move in with him so he could spend every moment of every day with her, hold her in his arms every night?

Kate rolled over then, burrowed into him, almost as though unconsciously answering his question.

Truthfully, if he asked her right now, when she was all snuggly and uncensored and only half awake, he could probably get her to say yes. He might take a beating for it later, but it would be completely worth it.

In the end, Castle settled for a compromise.

"You realize that I'm never letting you go, right?" he asked softly, warm breath washing over her temple.

She smiled against his chest, pressed a sleepy kiss to his bare skin. "Mmmm, good. 'Cause you're stuck with me forever."

* * *

><p><strong>THE END<strong>

* * *

><p><em>Author's Note part 2: <em>_Cheesy? Yes, yes it is. But I know all of the angst in this story took a toll on some of you guys (and on me, too), so I figured we could all do with some sappiness. Especially since their first date night didn't really get a happy morning after. _

_Also, I know I say this a lot, but thank you to everyone who read/reviewed/favorited and such. You guys make it so great to write for this fandom. And a special shout out to those of you who take the time to review every single chapter...that means a lot to me and I love hearing your thoughts and insights, etc. _

_I'm sad to see this story end, because it's been the most fun (and most challenging) one I've written so far. But I knew from the start how I wanted it to end, and we have reached that point. However, I do have another one-shot in the works, so I shall be back again very soon._

_Until then,_

_Diana_


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